


Hero Auction

by GMNASAI



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Caring Peter, Charity Auctions, Established Partners, M/M, Prompt Fic, Second Chances, Steve is a mother hen, The Avengers are Good Stalkers, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony and Steve don't like Wade, Wade Has Issues, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:24:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GMNASAI/pseuds/GMNASAI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt Fic: Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Auction

**Author's Note:**

> "Hello! Okay I'm not really good at writing Deadpools... Deadpool yet but I will try. I would like some help with that as I want to stay somewhat true to character."  
> "Somewhat true? You're not gonna change everything about me are you?"  
> "No I actually like your snarky attitude."  
> "... You do? Aww! How cute are you?"  
> "Get off me! Boundaries! Boundaries! Stay behind the line when I'm doing this please!"  
> "Honey you're doing my stories now. There are no boundaries."  
> "Do you want me to take away your money so you can't buy Spidey?"  
> "You wouldn't dare."  
> "I dared to write you."  
> "Good point. On with your- what are you doing?"  
> "Warning people that I don't know how to write your attitude and I may disappoint someone so if they feel I'm doing a crappy job they can let me know in the comments section."  
> "Wow, you are pathetic."  
> "Shut up."

It was a nice morning one fine and sunny New York day. For once the city of New York and it’s surrounding neighborhoods were actually in peaceful harmony. People were rushing to work, others were rushing because they were at work, and others were just rushing. Life was actually pretty good. Which made it all the more apparent to one Peter Parker that something was not right in the world. Which it was.

“And why are we having this charity event again?” Peter asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Believe me kid, I’m not as happy about this as you are.” Clint grumbled beside him on the couch. Peter would have laughed at the way Clint was flexing and twitching like he was either about to run or shoot an arrow, probably both at the same time, but he was so not in the mood.

“At least you had a heads-up.” Peter muttered darkly.

“Cheer up Peter, this event benefiting charity cannot be as bad as you are making it sound.” Thor boomed slapping his shoulder. Before the spider bite Peter would have flown across the room from Thor’s strength and would have landed in the hospital. Now, it would just bruise for a day or two and he would be fine.

“Wish that damn spider would have bitten me later so I didn’t have to do this.”

“I’m surprised Tony and Steve are letting you participate in this.” Natasha smirked from her spot across him.

“It was either this or patrol the city while this event was going on. Dad and pops didn’t want me ‘alone without back-up’ so they signed me up for this.” Peter sighed. “Honestly I’d rather be patrolling right about now.”

“The event doesn’t start until six.” Natasha reminded him.

“Steve got him to promise to stay here.” Clint added in. Peter nodded dejectedly. “By the way, how did they rope you into doing this Thor?”

“What is so wrong about helping charity?” Thor asked.

“You’re being sold on a date.” Peter said. Thor smiled.

“This Date cannot be so bad. I have battled much fiercer opponents than Date.” Peter looked at Clint and Natasha who had a raised eyebrow.

“I’m gonna tell him.” Peter stated.

“Don’t you dare kid.” Tony ordered coming out of the elevator. “He wants to help charity and he is.”

“He doesn’t even have the full picture of the consequences Stark.” Clint replied.

“And that’s his loss. Really I’m just as surprised as you that no one’s told him.” Tony looked at Thor. “Steve needs to see you downstairs.” Thor got up but paused to place a hand on Peter’s shoulders.

“Do not worry so much little arachnid. This Date will not be the one to defeat us. We survived even deadlier foes.” Tony was rolling his eyes behind Thor’s back. Clint had a smirk set in place while Natasha had an eyebrow raised.

“Someone has to tell him.” Peter stated when Thor was safely in the elevator.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Steve will. Killjoy.” Tony sighed before looking at Peter. “You know that tonight you’ll have to wear the suit as will the rest of you.”

“Why aren’t you doing this?” Peter asked grumpily.

“I’m married Peter.”

“So am I.” Clint protested. Tony gave him a look.

“To Captain America?” Clint grumbled under his breath.

“Might as well be with how often I’m here and not home with my wife.”

“Quit complaining Barton. Man up.” Nat teased. “Who else is in this charity auction? We never got the full specifics.”

“Pretty much all the Avengers, with the exception of Steve and I. Scott should be here soon. Vision and Wanda will be working the behind the scenes stuff with us. Sam’s participating. Bruce is locked in the lab again so I’ll need to smoke him out an hour before. Mr. Fantastic and his motley crew will be here but only the Human Torch will be participating.”

“And the bad guys are actually going to let us go through with this without making a peep?” Peter asked. Tony narrowed his eyes already knowing what Peter was trying to do.

“Nice try spidey but you’re not going to be on-call for this.”

“Dad!”

“It was Steve’s idea, not mine.” Tony smoothly deflected.

“And we’re all going to be in suits for this?” Clint asked.

“Yep. Who would skip on getting a superhero’s date?” Tony waved his hand against the looks. “Anyway, the point of this is to just spend three dates with the person who wins you. After that, you don’t have to talk to them again.”

“Sounds like prostitution to me.” Peter grumbled folding his arms.

“You’re a spunky little firecracker today son. About time you started acting more like your dad.” Clint sniggered at Peter’s rolling of the eyes. Nat merely smiled before asking,

“How do you know whoever buys Peter will take care of him?”

“Nat!”

“Easy, I had Friday do a background check on everyone we invited. If any of them attempt to kidnap Peter Steve will be barging into their lair ready to kill.”

“And of course the rest of you will be right behind him.” Peter sighed.

“Exactly. So this is a win-win situation for us. We can’t participate directly but we can have Happy buy Peter if we think someone unorthodox will win him.”

“Great. Three dates with Happy.” Peter drawled sarcastically. “I’ve heard enough of this failure in the making. I’ll be in the gym.”

“Can you even have Happy barge in? Everyone knows his loyalty is to you and Steve. Won’t that be against the rules or guidelines?” Clint continued behind him.

“If that doesn’t work then we’ll just have Bruce buy him and say it was a fluke.” The elevator closed behind Peter. He sighed but the tips of his lips pulled into a smile. His dads really were doing this charity for a good reason and the chance to help others was almost enough to have the go head from Peter. But it was going to be so awkward to go on a date with someone he didn’t even know or even liked. He really hoped a gorgeous woman or man bought a date from him. Not to criticize Happy but those three dates were going to be the worse.

When he reached the gym he shed his street clothes for the spandex red and blue suit of Spider-Man that he wore underneath. It was good that the Avengers knew his identity but the rest of the world was still oblivious to the fact that Spiderman was Peter Stark.

“Friday, can you dim the lights and prime the courses?”

“Of course Spiderman.” Peter loosened his muscles by jumping while Friday set the courses for him. At the sound of a gun going off adrenaline filled his veins and he took off. The next hour started with saving dummies, running drills, acrobatic maneuvers that often gave his dads a near heart attack and several non-training drills that involved him messing around with this webs.

He was messing around with said webbing to create one giant web when the doors opened.

“SPIDEYYY!!” Spider senses tingling, Spider-Man whipped around to see Deadpool already flying towards him on what looked like Sam’s wings.

“Stop you idiot!” Spiderman shouted jumping out of the way. He winced as Deadpool crashed into the wall. The silvery wings were no doubt going to need to be fixed and tinkered with again. It was quite until Deadpool hopped out of the wreckage.

“Oops.” He giggled. Spiderman sweat-dropped.

“You’re an idiot. Why are you here? You know Tony doesn’t like you.” Hell half of the Avengers didn’t like Deadpool but it would be rude to say that. Spiderman hung around with the merc but according to his dads that only happened once in a blue moon. With Deadpool here that was sure to get blown out of the water. “I thought I told you to stay away unless we’re working a job together.”

“Oh I know! But I ran into something that I wanted to ask you about.” Deadpool giggled hysterically. “I’m getting to that White! No we haven’t said anything about his ass yet. Shit, don’t listen to what I’m saying right now Spidey. Except for that part, and that part.”

“Will you just get to why you’re here?” Spiderman sighed crossing his arms.

“Oh right!” Deadpool started patting himself down while mumbling under his breath. “I had it here somewhere. Nope that’s the ammo. That’s the back-up ammo. That’s the back-up for my back-ups. What am I doing with this?” Spiderman ducked as Deadpool threw a mouse trap his way. Unintentional or not Spiderman wasn’t sure. “AH HA! FOUND IT!” Deadpool pulled out a crumpled up paper and straightened it as best as he could.

“Deadpool~!” Spiderman growled out.

“Ooh, I like it when you say my name Spidey. But I’ll save that for later. I wanted to ask about this.” Deadpool handed Spiderman a crumpled up invitation of the Charity later that evening.

“Do I even want to know where you got this?”

“I didn’t unalive anyone if that’s what you’re thinking. But is the fine print true Spidey?” Spiderman looked over the invitation to see the ‘Dates’ being offered. Number five was Spider-Man. Under the mask Peter was imagining maiming his dads. “So Spidey? Are you being put up for auction?” Spiderman met Deadpool’s too close eyes.

“Uh, yeah. Unfortunately.”

“Ooh, so anyone can buy you?”

“It’s a date Deadpool. And its for charity.”

“So I have your permission to buy you?”

“What?” The shock increased when Deadpool held up his thumbs.

“Don’t worry. All my dates have ended with us in bed. But I’ll make sure you don’t forget this one.”

“DEADPOOL!” The red clad super suits turned to the door to see Tony and Steve standing there with an enraged Sam.

“MY WINGS!!”

“Welp, gotta get going baby boy. See you tonight! I’ll be the one in red.” Spider-Man blinked as Deadpool activated his teleporter and disappeared.

“Peter?” Steve asked. Peter just groaned in horror.

“Can I get out of the event now?”

o.O.o

In the end, not even Steve Rogers threats could get Peter out of the charity event. And with Deadpool’s offer to buy him the anxiety was enough to practically kill him.

“Are you ready Spiderman?” Vision asked coming up to him. Peter shrugged. “Just remember your fathers won’t abandon you.”

“Where are they anyway?” Peter hadn’t seen Steve nor Tony since he was hauled off to backstage.

“Wanda went to look for them.” Vision held a hand to the headset. “Okay Pe-Spiderman, you’re on.”

“Remind me to web dad’s lab up for this later.” Vision smiled but nodded as Peter took a deep breath.

“And number five is the one and only Amazing Spiderman!” Spiderman shot a web at the top of the stage and swung onto the stage as the applause started to die down. When he appeared the applause seemed to get louder. The announcer, Selena, smiled at him. “Show-off.”

“Gotta let the people know I’m the genuine article.” He quipped back.

“Well they believe it.” She cleared her throat and spoke into the mic. “We’d like to remind our audience that this is three dates, wherever you wish, with Spiderman. I can promise you ladies he is a gentleman through and through and for you guys,” she winked, “he’s a keeper.”

“My webbing list is getting longer.” Spiderman huffed. Selena only smiled wider.

“Who would like to start the bidding?” The stage lights were an annoyance to Spiderman as they blinded him from being able to see further than the first three tables closest to the stage. Still, was that a familiar shape in front? Peter was distracted a second later as the first bid came.

“$1,000.” A man called.

“$5,000.” A woman called.

“Whoo! Anyone else?” Selena called. “Come on people, he’s a young, strong specimen who would love to carry you all over New York and treat you like his princess.”

“Where do you live again? Queens?” Spiderman growled.

“$10,000.” A too happy voice yelled. Gasps sounded as Spiderman’s head snapped up. The familiar shape he’d seen was indeed his worse nightmare. Deadpool was sitting at a table right in front of the stage with his legs cross and hands in the air like a child. “Hey Spidey!”

“$10,000...?” Selena saw Deadpool at the same moment everyone else did. “Ooh, do I have any other offers?”

“$15,000!” Spiderman’s ears caught the unmistakable timber of Happy spluttering.

“Nay! $18,000!” Deadpool cackled. Spiderman face-palmed.

“$20,000!” A woman called out from the back. Or at least Peter assumed it was the back.

“$30,000!” Selena giggled.

“Wow, he’s determined to have you ain’t he?” Spiderman was groaning into his face-palm.

“This is just going to get worse.” Spiderman groaned as Happy shouted out,

“$50,000!”

“Hey, I’m bidding here fatso! $100,000 for the one in red and blue!” Deadpool shouted. Cheers sounded while Spiderman just shook his head in defeat.

“Any other offers?” Selena called happily.

“$200,000!” Happy called. A yelp sounded and Deadpool’s struggling voice called out.

“$300,000! Anyone else?”

“That’s my line!” Selena shouted before composing herself. “Any other offers?” She asked sweetly.

“Don’t do it, please don’t do it.” Spiderman muttered. Selena ignored him.

“Going once, going twice, sold to the man in red and black. You can claim your date at the back now.”

“I will find you, and I will web you Selena.”

“You can try honey.” She laughed.

“’WHOO!!” Spiderman shot a web and quickly fled off the stage while Selena did damage control. Vision met him backstage.

“Well that didn’t go according to plan.” Vision offered.

“Gee, ya think?” Spiderman asked sarcastically.


	2. Backstage Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Where the fuck were you?"  
> "I am so sorry Wade!! I didn't mean to leave you for two weeks. Honest."  
> "Do you seriously think I'm that stupid?"  
> "...No?"  
> "Give me one good reason to not shoot you right now."  
> "I'll give you three. One, you need me to write this story. Two, I've never lied to you before. Last and not least, three, someone forgot to pay the wifi bill and left me to pick up the slack because he didn't unalive the mark."  
> "I said one and I would never unalive someone after promising me fair bubblebutt lady Spidey. But you are an overachieving little fluff aren't you?"  
> "Not really. Otherwise I would have updated sooner at a library."  
> "Do you want me to kill you?"  
> "You can't. You need me to write this story. Otherwise everything will end up in a cliffhanger and the readers might just kill you themselves."  
> "Touche lazy writer. Touche."

“I can’t go on a date with him.” Spiderman growled lowly to Vision. “He’s too... He doesn’t respect personal space.”

“I’m sure that everything would go fine Spiderman.” Vision stated matter-of-factly. “You two do seem to get along when you team up.”

“That’s different.” Vision tilted his head.

“Hmm, perhaps I need to research romance some more. But if I’m not mistaken, you two do have dates when you eat together don’t you?”

“Those are not dates.” Under the mask Peter’s face felt extremely warm. “How do you even know that?” Vision smiled.

“You have come back to the tower smelling of tacos more than once and you don’t really have a preference for tacos unless Clint makes them.” Spiderman looked all around before he dragged Vision further to the side.

“How long have you known?”

“Three months.” Spiderman groaned weakly.

“And dad and pops don’t know?”

“Friday and I have helped to cover any slips you have made. I was admittedly worried but after careful observation I have concluded that Deadpool likes you too much to kill you.”

“You ‘observed’ us.” Spiderman repeated before he frowned in confusion. “How did I not sense that?”

“Friday suggests that maybe you and Deadpool are in your own little world. Wanda agrees that love makes a person forget everything else.”

“Whoa, wait! Wanda?” Spiderman shouted before lowering his voice in case anyone interrupted. “How many people know about me and Deadpool’s... Friendship?” Vision smiled.

“Just me, Wanda, Natasha, Clint, and Bruce.”

“And none of you-”

“Pe-Spiderman!” Peter’s head snapped up when Tony’s voice called to him. He gave Vision one last look.

“We are going to talk about this later.”

“Yes Spiderman.”

“Tony!” Said man barely had time to reach Spiderman before another voice was calling out.

“Hey Spidey-babe! Ready for our date?” Deadpool called. “Gotta say the security in this place could use some beefing up. I almost had to unalive some people.”

“That would not be wise Deadpool. Should you hurt anyone here than the Avengers will make sure to treat you as a threat.” Vision calmly spoke looking at Deadpool.

“I wasn’t really going to unalive them. At least not where Spidey could catch me.”

“What?” Spiderman snapped.

“Kidding honey buns! Whoa, what’s up with ole’ iron fist and his better looking spangly bubble butt hero?” Tony and Steve’s already dark faces seemed to become stone.

“Deadpool, the next time you choose to incapacitate my employee I will shove my booted foot up your ass until you can taste it.”

“Ooh, kinky. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to turn you down. My affections belong to Spiderman, and on another note Captain America, but for now Spiderman.” Deadpool slung an arm around Peter’s shoulders. “So where do we get our first date?”

“Not happening.” Steve growled.

“Gentlemen-” Vision tried to interfere.

“According to the rules in the invitation, you don’t get a say in this.” Deadpool’s voice turned hard making Peter’s spidey senses tingle.

“Dead-”

“You didn’t get an invitation.” Tony pointed out, interrupting Spiderman. “Only those who were actually invited get to participate in this evenings events.”

“Really?” Deadpool held up the crumpled invite he’d shown Peter earlier. “Then how did I get one of these?” His cheery tone was back but Peter was still getting tingles.

“Gentlemen I think it would-”

“It’s not addressed to you.” Steve said grabbing the invite.

“Yes, it is.” Deadpool sang.

“So you’re Mr. James Hetfield?” Tony asked before he frowned. “That is not you.”

“Oh contrair my metallic friend. Hee hee hee, get it? Metallic? Metallica?”

“Can I just say-” Spiderman was interrupted.

“Oh right, allow me to shed some light on this situation.” Deadpool reached into his many pouches.

“If you pull out another mouse trap I will stick you to a tree.” Spiderman warned thinking of the last time Deadpool went searching in his pockets.

“I don’t carry around mouse traps baby boy... No, that was an accident last time... I don’t have any... I just have some grenades, ammo, back-ups, a wheat stone... you can never be too safe or sure... ooh, we have a firecracker from July 4th... No we used the majority in the theater... Then they shouldn’t have not cast Will Smith.”

“Deadpool!” Peter snapped.

“What?”

“Can you please, just show us your I.D.?”

“Sure thing baby boy. I’ll be happy to show you more than that later.” Peter was pretty sure that Tony and Steve’s glare was permanent. He pulled out his I.D. and handed it to Tony. Steve took a glance at it before he looked at Deadpool. “What?”

“That’s you?”

“Well excuse me if I’m not as cookie cutter perfect as you and yours Captain. Not all of us lowly immortals are Ryan Reynolds gorgeous.” Spiderman frowned.

“Did you seriously get an invitation to this show?” Spiderman asked trying to distract Deadpool.

“Of course. Which is why I rushed over here to confirm it and low and behold, t’was true.” Deadpool knelt. “Doth my fair princess approve of her knight?”

“Don’t make me hurt you.” Spiderman deadpanned.

“Get up Pool. I’m going to need to research this and make sure that it’s true.” Tony said.

“Actually sir, if you had allowed me to talk then you would know that Deadpool’s I.D. is... correct.” Vision was finally successful in breaking into the conversation.

“What?” Three pairs of eyes and mouths asked. Vision shrugged.

“Mr. ‘Hetfield’ did indeed get an invitation. Sending out the invitations was part of my job when we were preparing this event.”

“Didn’t you do a background check?” Tony asked. Spiderman and Steve looked at Vision in suspicion.

“Mr. Hetfield’s background was thoroughly searched and documented. Friday and I saw no need to disqualify him from receiving an invitation. Though, admittedly, I believe that there was a glitch.”

“And you didn’t find it odd that Deadpool’s picture was in the background check?” Steve asked.

“There were no photos in his file. Friday was the one who substituted the missing pictures.”

“Remind me to check both of your hard drives!” Tony growled. “But you are not taking Spiderman on any dates until this is resolved- Where did he go?” Tony and Steve looked at the place where Spiderman and Deadpool had been but found the space empty.

“Spiderman!” Steve called in panic looking around.

“If that no good merc hurts my son I don’t care what you say Steve I’m killing him and burying him in the ocean.” Tony promised.

“Not a good idea as bodies that often end up in the ocean are almost always found floating fifty miles offshore.” Vision responded.

“Don’t give him ideas Vision. Help us find them.” Steve ordered.

“We still have an auction going on.”

“It’s Thor’s turn, they’ll be at that for a while.” Tony dismissed.

Meanwhile on top of NAF headquarters.

“DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!” Deadpool shouted when Spiderman put him down.

“No. We need to talk.”

“Does this ‘talking’ involve us pressed against each other and on the verge of having our brains fucked?” Spiderman’s face once again grew warmer than normal.

“What? No!” Deadpool deflated.

“Why not? I promise you’ll like it too.”

“You can’t just decide- we are not talking about this right now.” Spiderman decided before he moved along. “Did you really receive the invitation?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t lie about a chance to have you all to myself bubble butt.” Spiderman could practically feel Deadpool’s eyes undressing him. Not that it was much of a difference than when he usually did it.

“The invites were sent out two weeks ago. How did you not know about this sooner?”

“It’s called a life baby boy. I was sent to take a few.”

“You-”

“NOT THAT I DID! But lets just say the witness protection program gained a few more jackasses.”

“And how do I know you didn’t ki- unalive anyone?”

“Does this face look like it would break a promise to your ass?” Deadpool giggled. “We do have problems but promises to Spidey are different.” Despite Spiderman not wanting to go on a date with Deadpool he had to admit that at least he already knew Deadpool. There wasn’t any way the merc could be even weirder and stranger than he’d already seen. You couldn’t be comfortable around a complete stranger who just so happened to buy a date with you and Deadpool wouldn’t kidnap him. Maybe. Spiderman was really going to enjoy webbing Tony’s lab later.

“I really hope I don’t regret this later Deadpool. I’m really trusting you to not unalive anyone or kidnap me when our date starts and ends.”

“... You’re really going to go on a date with me?” Deadpool asked in awe. Spiderman glared.

“Only if you don’t make a sex joke every five minutes.”

“Of course not. I’ll make one every ten minutes.” Well that was probably better than having Deadpool cackle about all the ways they could ‘have fun’ in. Not that Peter would have a problem with that. He’s had to get up close and comfortable with Deadpool’s body on more than one occasion when the idiot got blown up and had to be put back together. He hated the fact that he was starting to become desensitized to Deadpool’s limbs being put back together.

“Mm, you’re right. This is a little too good to be true Spidey.” Deadpool suddenly mused dragging Spiderman’s attention to him when his senses tingled faintly. “Why are you agreeing so readily? I know it’s part of the charity thing but Iron Douche and Captain Ass are like your unofficial parents. Why prolong their suffering?”

“Honestly I know Da-Tony and Steve fairly well and knowing them they’ll keep postponing this whole thing until our partnership is ruined. You may be a homicidal mouthy idiot but you’re also my partner when things get tough. Might as well get this date thing out of the way so things can go back to normal.”

“Aww, you called me your partner.” Spiderman growled as Deadpool’s arms continued to squeeze him.

“Get off me or no date.” Deadpool was immediately in front of him.

“You already agreed. And no back-taking. I’ll see you tomorrow at 7, the usual spot.” Spiderman was expecting Deadpool to cop a feel- wouldn’t have been the first time- and was prepared with a punch. But instead Deadpool merely bowed at the waist before he started walking away, singing at a high pitch.

~Oh baby, all night showing just you and the crowd

Doing tricks you ain’t never seen

I bet that I can make you believe in love, sex and magic

So let me drive my body around ya~!

Spiderman rolled his eyes at Deadpool’s eccentricity.

“I hope I don’t regret this.” He looked down to see his dad and pops calling for him. Vision looked up to where he was and waved. “I am so dead.”

o.O.o

“Where in your long history of crime-fighting have you ever seen a criminal go from bad to good Peter? If I didn’t know any better I would say that you lack common sense.” Tony continued to pace and lecture while Peter sat on the couch with his head in his hands.

“Dad I don’t know how to say this any other way but can you just trust me on this?”

“We do trust you Peter.” Steve assured from where he’d been standing for most of the lecture with his arms crossed and a pensive look on his face that Peter really didn’t like as it made him feel unnecessarily guilty. “It’s Deadpool we don’t trust. He’s not exactly the most adjusted of individuals.”

“He helps S.H.I.E.L.D when we call.” Peter protested. “He helped with the robot invasion a few months ago.”

“We don’t see him every day Peter. For all we know Fury or Coulson bribed him.” Tony argued. “And I really don’t like him hitting on you. What if he tries to do something and you aren’t prepared?”

“It’s not like I can get pregnant.”

“So you wouldn’t mind Deadpool trying to take advantage of you?” Steve asked with a raised eye. Peter’s mind flashed back to all the times Deadpool managed to catch him off guard and cop a feel. His face heated up.

“That’s not what I mean. I can stop a car and lift it, you don’t think I could hit Deadpool if he tried anything?” Peter stood up. “Look dad, pops, I get the fact that you don’t want Deadpool within fifty feet of me-”

“I don’t want him in the same state as you.” Tony interrupted. Peter continued nonetheless.

“But I can take care of myself. I took on the Green Goblin-”

“For the record I totally called that ‘secret identity’.” Tony said. Peter rolled his eyes while Steve’s lips twitched.

“Doc Oct-”

“Still not the best name for a villain.” Tony muttered. Peter glared.

“Will you quit interrupting me? I have my own villains and I took care of them all. It may not be aliens from outer space or red glowing furnaces or even Ultron but I can take care of myself.”

“At great risk to your self. Do you not remember how injured you were after?”

“Tony,” Steve interrupted their argument. Peter and Tony gave Steve their full attention. “I think Peter has a point.”

“What?”

“What!”

“Peter is capable of handling himself and he does have a point when he says he can use his powers to protect himself. Vision was right when he said that we can’t change the rules of the date. You ran your background checks, nothing changed. We have to go along with this. Worse comes to worse we can always track his phone to find him.”

“Are you serious? Ten years of arguments on dating and he agrees to the date with the mercenary who won’t shut up.” Tony groaned face palming. Peter was a little more wary.

“So I can go on the date with Deadpool?” Steve’s face pinched.

“Against my better judgment. Yes. But we will be tracking your phone.” Peter nodded.

“I can live with that. But, uh, I will be doing my patrol after the date.”

“As soon as you call to check in.” Steve answered.

“Alright. I’ll go call Deadpool.” Peter said getting up.

“Make sure you tell him he has to meet us before you leave. I want to go over some ground rules.” Tony growled. Peter nodded before jumping into the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors closed Tony turned to Steve. “You know I love you but what the hell was that? We can’t let Peter anywhere near that psycho.”

“I agree.” Steve nodded.

“Then what gives? Because if this is some attempt at reverse psychology be assured that it has failed.” Steve smiled.

“I don’t understand psychology anyway. We are going to be following them.”

“You mean stalking?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

“More like observing.”

“What was with the whole ‘I believe in you’ speech then? I thought I was supposed to be the one who questioned Peter’s choices.”

“You are. But in this case I think we can both agree that Deadpool is too focused on Peter’s derriere to think straight. And I will not allow Peter’s virtue to be tainted without his permission.”

Tony smirked. “’Derriere’?”

“Shut up Tony. Go play with your suits.”

“I think I’d rather play with you. No one’s here, finally.” Steve smiled following Tony’s thinking.

“Then I’m top.” Tony thought about it before he smirked.

“First one to the bedroom wins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HOLY SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!! (I've been practicing ways to cuss without actually saying cuss words- the results are so funny) The reviews, kudos, bookmarks, and hits alone killed me and sent me to heaven. I am so happy that so many people like this story. You have no idea how much it tickles my ooey gooey insides. I bless you all with sugary confections and dreams of Spideypool.  
> One another note I really didn't mean to leave this story alone for so long. The wait killed me as much as it did you. Trust me on that. But I will update soon. Not sure when but maybe in a week? I just want to be sure everything makes sense before I post and I have the habit of rereading my stories and adding and deleting parts of the story to make it make sense or to just cut it out because it's my mind taking things way out of context.  
> *On a another important note: thanks to the reviewers who messaged about the problem involving the font and words cutting off in mid-sentence. Yes I was aware but I posted on my laptop and reread the first chapter on my phone so I figured it was my phone that was being troublesome. I went back and fixed it- at least I think I did. If anyone experiences this problem again please let me know so I can try to fix this problem. Seriously, I want you all to read this without thinking your all going cross eyed.


	3. First Date... ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt Fic: Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What took you so long? People want to read the next chapter.  
> Well my bad but I had to deal with douche pools increasing number of employers. Asshole felt me in charge so he could stalk Spiderman.  
> It was all in the spirit of research.  
> Research of what? How to get a restraining order?  
> Please as if those fat fucks could give a bitch a measley scrap of paper.  
> They could. All they'd have to do is have one of the Avengers hunt you down. And they would if it meant getting you away from Spidey.  
> Bring it on bitches!!  
> This won't end well... for them.

“I am not wearing that.”

“Why not? It’ll help you out should something go wrong.”

“Clint, I am not putting on anything that shocks, numbs, burns, freezes, or explodes on contact. Nor will I put that poison belt on.” Peter patiently ground out. Clint’s face fell. The two heroes were lounging in Peter’s room as Tony and Steve kept hounding Peter on his date with Deadpool. He loved his dads but he needed his space or he would crack and start with the revenge webbing.

“Why not? It would be funny to see.”

“You’re not going on this date, I am. And no you cannot be my guardian. You can wait with dad and pops here and keep an eye on my tracker.” Peter explained. He had been going through this whole thing since he woke up this morning. Everyone in the Avengers Tower had offered him either an escape plan or mace. So far Clint was the worse following closely by Sam. He suggested the whole team follow him.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Clint asked finally giving up on trying to put a ‘chastity’ belt on him.

“Shouldn’t you be with your family?” Peter asked as he randomly shot webs at the targets on his wall. Clint threw the explosive belt to the side. “And please take that thing with you. The last thing I need is another wall to be ruined.”

“That was Banner’s fault.” Clint reminded as he sat on the desk chair. “All four times. And I would be home but Tony is under the impression that you and I are best friends and you listen to what I say. Which is true-”

“Since when have I ever listened to you?” Clint continued on as if Peter hadn’t said anything.

“To an extent. And since you and Laura get along so well she actually wants me to keep an eye on you to make sure Deadpool doesn’t try anything.”

“Somehow I don’t think dad and pops could even make Deadpool any less crazy and psychotic if they did try.” Peter’s eyes once again darted to the clock on the nightstand. Only four more hours until he left for his date with Deadpool. The nerves were starting to overwhelm him.

“Why did you decide to go on the dates with him Pete?” Clint asked. Unlike everyone else Clint knew Peter wouldn’t agree to something without first thinking it through and having a back-up or two on standby. He also knew Deadpool and while he may have been crazy there was also some brains in the man’s head.

Peter stopped shooting his webs at the already covered targets and bit his lip in concentration. How to put what he was thinking into words was hard as his thoughts, at least when it came to Deadpool, were always harder for him to identify. Clint didn’t try to hurry Peter as he searched for the words, he just watched.

“It seemed like the best option for everyone at the time. Deadpool may be many things but he’s never lied to me. And I’ve worked with him so we’re comfortable with each other. I figured that going on a date, or dates, with someone I knew was better than going on a date with someone I didn’t know.” Clint nodded.

“Understandable. But you do know that Steve and Tony aren’t going to trust you alone with Deadpool.”

“I know.” Peter’s grin was smug. “Friday?”

“Yes sir?” The A.I.’s voice came.

“Are the security measures set on dad’s suits?”

“Only an emergency regarding S.H.I.E.L.D will be able to pull the suits out of their lock down mode. Vision has also made sure that Mr. Rogers bikes are low on fuel.”

“And Tony’s cars?” Clint asked.

“The keys all seem to have disappeared into a web.” Peter informed Clint. Clint nodded.

“What about the chopper and jets?”

“Wanda’s got that covered.” Peter answered. His eyes drifted to the clock once again and he grimaced. “I hate waiting.”

“So we’ve all noticed.” Clint smirked. “Wanna go spar for a bit? Nat needs to be taken down a peg.” Peter snorted getting up.

“Are you going to run away with your tail between your legs again?”

“If you were smart you would do the same thing.” Clint responded. “Seriously, how she left you alive after you webbed her boobs is still a mystery.” Peter’s face colored a bit.

“You don’t want to know.” Clint opened his mouth. “No, seriously you don’t want to know.”

o.O.o

At six o’clock later that evening Peter was suited up. Well sort of.

“Are you sure you don’t want one of us to shadow you in case-” Peter cut Steve off.

“Pops, please quit asking you already know the answer. I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I get there and I’ll text you again if we go somewhere.”

“You can’t blame your pops Peter.” Tony grumbled. He was still in a bad mood when he found out Friday was restricting access to his suits. While he was sulking Steve was reluctantly accepting the fact that Peter didn’t want back-up. “Can’t believe the kids are rioting.”

“Just promise us you’ll call if something bad happens. Doesn’t matter how bad it is we’ll come okay?” Steve assured.

“Don’t worry I will pops.” Peter smiled. “I’m still the amazing Spiderman remember?” Steve’s smile was a cross between sad and proud.

“Just be careful cause if Deadpool tries anything I’m going to be experimenting with his healing factor.” Tony growled. Peter just nodded once.

“Got it, now uh pops? Can you give me my mask back?” Once Spiderman was fully suited up he said one last goodbye before Clint yelled that he was leaving with or without him.

“You think we did the right thing?” Steve asked as he and Tony watched the car drive off.

“Not if the kid is wearing spandex.”

“Tony!” Tony raised his hands in surrender before folding them again.

“Just saying. Spandex doesn’t really leave much to the imagination and knowing Deadpool he’ll be eye raping Pete.”

“Don’t make me smack you.” Steve warned. “We should follow them though.”

“How? Your kid cut off our transportation venues. Friday won’t let me into the system and if I reboot her it’ll take hours for me to reconfigure whatever program Peter no doubt put in as back-up.”

“He’s a good kid. But you’ve obviously had more of an influence on him than I have.” Tony chuckled.

“Nope, kid gets your manners. And because of that I’m willing to bet that he while he managed to turn my own systems against me, he didn’t get everything covered. All I have to do is reconfigure the matrix and rewire some things and we are in.”

“In what? You know you have to speak simple English to me.” Tony smirked.

“There’s a back door to everything honey.”

“Figured you’d make a sex joke somehow.” Tony chuckled.

o.O.o

Clint dropped Spiderman off in front of a little italian restaurant that was pretty much hidden from the public eyes. It was a good restaurant Peter had found out while researching the dating cards the auction officials had given him. The restaurant was good at incognito. Apparently celebrities and other public figures ate here all the time. Even Sam and Scott vouched for the restaurant when Peter had asked. They apparently took security very seriously when it came to their clientele. It wasn’t a place Peter would have chosen personally but it looked nice enough.

Peter waited in front of the restaurant for a few minutes gathering his courage before he went inside the front garden-like patio. His way was blocked soon by a tall thin man behind a podium.

“Can I help you sir?” The man asked looking him over with a critical eye.

“Table for two under Spiderman?” The man’s snotty attitude didn’t lessen while he checked his tablet. Peter felt a vibrating in his pocket and pulled out his phone to see an incoming call from Deadpool.

“Please tell me your waiting inside?”

‘Wish I could baby boy.” Deadpool’s voice came sounding almost garbled out due to the background noise. ‘I got caught up in a small gun fight and I may need to rain check.’

“Where are you?” Peter asked turning away just as the snooty old man opened his mouth.

‘SHIT! FUCK!’ Deadpool’s voice growled. Spiderman was in the air in the next second. Peter had no idea where Deadpool was but being somewhere high was usually a good place to be to think and hear the city’s sounds. ‘Bastard’s are ruining my favorite suit.’

“Deadpool!?” Spiderman shouted.

‘Yeah it’s probably better if you don’t know where I am. Daddy’s got some asshats to fry.’

“No killing.”

‘But this is my favorite suit! It’s my holiday and special occasion suit!’

“No killing. Tell me where you are right now!” Spiderman ordered. The sounds shifted as Deadpool’s voice shouted at whoever was shooting at him.

‘You fuckwads are so lucky I can’t kill you motherfuckers! But luckily I can still maim you.’

“Deadpool!” Spiderman snapped.

‘Kidding! Kinda. They’re shooting at me and that’s not nice! But on another note we’re somewhere near what is this- Tristan Avenue? AH! WHY WON’T YOU DIE!’ Spiderman didn’t wait for a cross street. He was swinging through the city as fast as he could.

“Deadpool!”

‘I mean why won’t you stay down! Baby boy please tell me you’re not going to come to my rescue?’

“Too late to convince me otherwise you jerk.”

‘You really don’t have to-’ The line went dead. Spiderman poured on the speed as he swung past buildings. His ears were open to the sounds of New York life trying to find wherever Deadpool was. The sound of distant thunder didn’t help matters but after a few minutes Spiderman’s ears caught the sound of shots being fired.

Spiderman swung onto the next building’s rooftop as Tristan Avenue came into sight. He peered down to see six men wearing black shooting across the street where Deadpool was crouched behind another car. There were five more lying on the ground already. From this distance Peter couldn’t tell if they were alive or not. Deadpool briefly popped up like a weasel and shouted.

“I am not supposed to kill anyone but you cockshots are making me very angry!” With that he pulled the trigger on his gun causing three men to fall down. “Well angrier! So I’ll make you a deal, if you lay down your arms I won’t maim you.”

Shots continued to fire. Spiderman saw Deadpool take cover but he doubted that even Deadpool was quick enough to avoid a bullet.

Spiderman dropped down behind the remaining three men

“Three on one? That doesn’t seem fair.” The men whirled around allowing Spiderman to web their guns to the wall behind him. Another shot of webbing brought two of the men down getting their legs tangled in the webs. He jumped towards the last man who was pulling out another gun. His foot met the mans face and he soon joined his companions up in the web.

“Baby boy!” Deadpool cried out. Peter didn’t get a chance to turn as Deadpool’s arms wrapped around his chest rather tightly. “You came!”

“I said I’d be here.” Spiderman answered as he straightened up.

“Honestly I wasn’t so sure. I figured ole’ iron ball and spangly chain would keep you tied to a bed if they found out you came to my aid. Which reminds me,” Spiderman found himself facing Deadpool’s mask. “You really shouldn’t have come Spiderman.” The seriousness in Deadpool’s voice was almost disconcerting.

“You were in trouble. What was I supposed to do just leave you to face them alone? And what’s up with that? You should have been able to take care of them quickly. Without killing them.”

“I would have too, Unfortunately-” Peater’s spider sense screamed loud and clear just as the sound of squealing tires sounded behind Deadpool. “They aren’t the only ones.”

Shots sounded in tandem as Deadpool pulled Peter down and rolled on top of him to protect him from shrapnel.

“What did you do?” Spiderman asked.

“Nothing!” Deadpool lowered his head so he was closer to Peter’s ears. “Well, I may have taken something, well someone, their boss is looking for and hid her for her own protection. They don’t take rejection very well.”

“And you did this when?” Peter asked.

“Earlier this week. I didn’t think they’d figure out I was the one who hid her until it was too late. This is all just blown out of proportion.”

“Blown out of- We’re being shot at!”

“On the bright side we’re getting in some much needed cuddling.” Deadpool giggled, hugging Spiderman. Spiderman growled.

“Hang on and don’t let go.”

“I’m not letting go anytime soon.” Peter rolled his eyes before he shot his webs at the building’s walls and pulled resulting in him and Deadpool shooting up from the ground towards the building. Peter twisted his arm and shot another web so they were soon flying through the air. Deadpool started shouting in glee as Peter swung them from building to building until they were soon far from Tristan Avenue.

Though Spiderman was ten times stronger than he used to be he was usually lighter to carry. With the extra weight he was going slower and in a dulled arch than he usually preferred. As such he missed some of the buildings when he tried to hit it with his web. It was only a few inches but the two costumed super humans were free falling more often than not. Something Spiderman was used to but not with Deadpool’s loud cheering in his ears.

He quickly shot another web at the building and yanked them along. While the downward swing was sloppy the turns around the buildings were really dangerous as Spiderman had to work overtime to make sure they didn’t hit the walls and go splat like a bug.

(That joke was in poor taste)

(Considering all the jokes you usually make about Spidey you can’t judge me)

(My jokes are all about his gloriously firm bubble butt. And what’s with the ‘extra weight’ comment? I’ll have you know I am healthy and toned like an actor.)

(Don’t get so insensitive now. I’m trying to write.)

(Can we just skip to the sex please?)

(Do you want a lasting relationship with Spidey or not?)

(Relationship for $500 please.)

(Then shut it and go along with the script or there will be a few changes that involve cock-blocking parents in the form of Tony and Steve.)

(I’ll be good...............................for now.)

Spiderman continued to swing through New York with Deadpool’s arms and legs wrapped around him. At some point in the swinging Deadpool put his face against Spiderman’s neck and simply stayed put. If it wasn’t for the occasionally flexing deltoids Peter would have worried Deadpool went to sleep. And while it wasn’t the most practical thing to do, Peter reveled in feeling Deadpool’s warmth at his back and the feeling of the added weight.

Didn’t mean he wanted to keep hauling them through the air though. Peter tried to land on a rooftop nice and easy but he ended up with them rolling, making grunts and brief shouts sound from him and Deadpool before they came to a stop with Deadpool on his back and Spiderman pressed against him.

“Okay, you officially suck at landings.”

“Would have been better if someone was helping and not feeling me up.” Spiderman retorted getting up.

“I can’t help it, you baby boy are such a tease.” Deadpool groaned. His hands, which Spiderman had only noticed until then were wrapped around his thighs, tightened and pulled his legs further apart.

“Deadpool!”

“You know I had a dream like this once.”

“Let. Me. Go.”

“Why would I do that sugar? I like you riding my lap.” Spiderman was pretty sure if his face got any hotter he would start glowing. That was the point where Spiderman started fighting to get up. “You’re only making it worse!”

“Let. Go!” Deadpool whimpered but did as told. Spiderman jumped off him and stayed at a healthy distance. Fifteen feet away. He resolutely shut the part of him that yearned for Deadpool’s warmth away in the back of his mind. “What did I say about boundaries?”

“It doesn’t count when you’re the one who initiated contact!” Deadpool called. “Which you did by allowing me to touch you.”

“We were in trouble.”

“Yes but we got away and now we’re safe. Which brings another question to mind, are we still on for our date?” Spiderman deadpanned.

“You wanted a rain check...?”

“That was before but now I just really want to...” Spiderman watched in confusion as Deadpool looked all around before running to the buildings edges and looking down into the alley and street before he inched closer to Spiderman.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure your unofficial parents aren’t around.”

“Why?” Spiderman asked.

“Because it has occurred to me that this has all been such a dick move on the writers part. You know ruining our first ‘official’ date even though we’ve had better dates just eating pizza and burgers on the rooftops. So in an effort to undermine the writer and the stupid auction people who tried to plan something and it not working out, why don’t we just have our own little date up here out of gun range where should someone run into us we can either take care of it personally or you can just web slinger us out of here.”

“You really want to have this date?” Deadpool nodded his head rapidly.

“I’ve waited way too damn long to have the writer fuck this up for me now.” Spiderman balanced between just saying no and going back to NAF and accepting Deadpool’s offer. “Please Spiderman?”

“Okay.”

“Yes!” Deadpool crowed before he looked around. “Just wait right there and for gods sake Spiderman don’t answer any calls for help.”

“No promises Deadpool.” Deadpool shrugged before he jumped over the side of the building. Spiderman choked out a gasp and ran to see what Deadpool was doing only to find the alley was clear. Spiderman frowned but figured Deadpool wouldn’t leave him hanging after begging for a do-over.

But what if he ran into the men who were trying to kill him? Not that he could die but it was a very real possibility that Deadpool could end up dead for a few minutes. That would suck especially if whoever was trying to kill Deadpool took his body with them.

Talk about dating jinxes for superheroes.

Peter pulled out his phone and started tapping out a text message to his parents. It wasn’t time for him to be heading home but his pops would worry anyway. Once that was done he sent a text to Clint telling him to head home. He could get back on his own just fine.

A grunting sound caught his attention. He turned his head to see a gloved hand on the building’s edge. A bag was thrown over a second later while a familiar gravelly voice muttered, “Maximum effort.”

“Deadpool?” Said anti-hero’s head peeked over the building edge.

“Be there in a second baby boy.” Deadpool huffed. “Man I’m getting old. Ha, just kidding.” He eventually pulled his body over the side of the building. “Sorry about the wait, I had to run across the street really quick.”

“For... ‘Mama Evangeline’s’? What is that?”

“The best out of the way, undiscovered Mexican food in the state. Found it the other day and I’ve been dying to come back. Not literally. The writer’s been keeping that little secret from me for the past few days.” Deadpool pulled out thirty hard shelled tacos that looked obviously home made along with the same amount of soft tacos. “And yes, I remember you eat a lot.”

“So we’re just gonna pretend this is another day after patrolling?” Spiderman asked as he grabbed a taco.

“’Yep. Only I get to give you a surprise later.” Deadpool chuckled. “I’m wagging my eyebrows. Well I would be if I had eyebrows.”

“If you grab my ass I’m going to hit you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do that later.” Spiderman rolled his eyes but continued to eat the tacos with Deadpool. “By the way, since we’re dating now, how does the relationship with the Avengers work? Do you all sleep in the NAF?”

“Some of us do. Nat and Clint only come by when Da- Tony and Steve call them. And our relationship is still ‘friends’. How’s Yellow? I know White’s a dick all the time.” Deadpool hummed as his mouth was full but as soon as he swallowed he opened his mouth once again.

“Yellow still likes you. He’s been asking about you. White feels like you like me and Yellow better. Why do you call Iron Ass and Captain Bubble Butt ‘dad’? I thought they had a kid of their own somewhere?” Spiderman gulped hard at the question.

“Yeah they do. But uh, my real parents died when I was young and my aunt died when I was three so Tony... Well Tony’s my godfather. He raised me alongside Steve and after all these years they’re the only parental figures I have.” Spiderman felt the stain of omitting the truth but after all these years of keeping his real identity a secret, it was hard to just let it go.

“Cool. Though they could loosen the grip a bit. Where’s their kid?”

“He’s around. He’s in college now and sometimes works in Tony’s labs and he has his hobby so he’s pretty busy. What about you?”

“What about me?” Spiderman caught the edge in Deadpool’s voice but curiosity had him trapped.

“Well we’ve been partners and friends for the better part of a year and while I know you don’t really like chimichanga’s you just like saying the word, you look good in red, you used to kill and still try not to for my sake... There’s still a lot I don’t know about you.”

“Trust me baby boy, you don’t want to know the fucked up story behind me.” Why couldn’t he just let it go and move on? Well Spiderman was nothing if not tenacious.

“And if I do?” Spiderman’s senses tingled faintly. Not enough to have him worried, just enough to let him know he was starting to push. Deadpool changed the conversation though.

“Maybe one day but until then, what are the other dates the auctioneers put on those lists you mentioned the other day?” Spiderman bit his lip before allowing the conversation to change.

“Well there’s the dinner and a movie and then a carnival in Central Park.”

“Ooh, when’s the dinner and a movie? And what movie? None of that cheesy romance stuff or I’ll never stop laughing.”

“It’s a good movie. The main protagonist loses his wife to a murderer who escapes after leaving his son disabled. They never find the guy but the protagonist moves on with his life with his son but loses him on a class field trip and meets an amnesiac woman who helps him look for his son.”

“Sounds good. What’s it called?”

“Finding Nemo.” Spiderman asked. Deadpool laughed.

“Well that’s a description I’ve never heard before.”

“Thanks. So movie night?” Deadpool nodded.

“Hell yeah. Can’t wait to fucking find Nemo.” Spiderman nods.

“Tomorrow at six? Your place?”

“Baby boy if you’re coming to my place you gotta stay for a Hobbit and Lord of the Rings marathon.” Spiderman snorts.

“Couldn’t imagine a better person to travel to the Lonely Mountain with anyway. Could use you as a shield.”

“Fuck you Spidey. Ooh, no I take that back, I’d like to fuck you.” Deadpool cackled. Normally Spiderman kept the conversation away from sex but in this case he could settle for teasing Deadpool. He would probably fall forward in shock and it would be fun to leave him dangling.

“You know I’m ten times stronger right?”

“So?” Deadpool asked. “I could beat your ass into submission.”

“I can stick to walls. Even the ceiling.” Deadpool made a wheezing sort of sound. “Just saying but super strength and the ability to stick to any surface? Kind of beats your usual positions doesn’t it?”

“Are- are you-?” Deadpool twisted too far and fell. “Gah!” Spiderman reacted quickly and shot a web at Deadpool’s chest before following the Merc so he could make a web between the two buildings. Deadpool was stuck to the web.

“Not to mention the webbing is sticky.” Peter continued. 

“Very, very sticky.” He breathed leaning close to Deadpool’s face. Deadpool huffed out a moan.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.” Spiderman grinned before standing upright on the webs.

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you finish first. Good night Deadpool!” As Spiderman swung away on a web he distinctly heard Deadpool shout,

“You fucking tease! I’ll get you for this!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people of the archives and fans of Spideypool. I have good news and bad news.  
> They good news is I have figured an updating schedule. Every two weeks, give or take a day or two. It'll get better once my wifi comes on back home. Yes it's still not on. We're worki ng on it.  
> The bad news is that I do not know what the hell I am going to do for a third date. And I am partly sorry for the shit ty (in my opinion) third chapter and first date. I was severely procrastinating. Until yesterday and today. So yeah. Please feel free to kick me.  
> On another note, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LEFT A REVIEW AND/OR KUDOS. THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND GIVE MY MOTIVATION TO KICK PROCRASTINATIONS ASS!!! Hint hint  
> Until next time my lovelies!


	4. A Family Disagreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.  
> It would take more than a cat to drag me in. I'm not a plushie.  
> Nor are you a dead bird. But you will be dead soon enough.  
> Why would I be dead? I didn't do anything wrong.  
> Nothing wrong? Nothing WRONG? NOTHING WRONG? YOU PROCRASTINATED AGAIN!! FOR FOUR WEEKS I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE WAITING AND YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING BUT POST THIS SHIT YOU CALL A CHAPTER.  
> In my defense I was blocked.  
> You want blocked? I'll show you blocked!  
> NOT THE FACE NOT THE FACE-ACK!!

“You survived!” Was Tony’s happy shout when Peter walked into the penthouse. An hour of swinging from different buildings to try and clear his head and Peter was no closer to an answer for his flirting. Hearing his dad’s voice only made Peter shove the conflicting arguments to the back of his head. They wouldn’t help him here.

“Tony.” Steve shook his head at his husband’s lack of subtlety. Steve’s attention was soon captured by the conflict in his son’s eyes that receded as soon as he caught sight of Tony. “How was the date?”

“Did you have to fight?” Tony asked checking over a slightly bemused Peter who withstood Tony’s examinations and mutterings about the debris still on his suit.

“The date was fine. Better than most of my dates actually. And yes I fought, but not against Deadpool.”

“Excuse me?” Tony raised an eyebrow. Peter frowned thinking over his answer before the innuendo hit him and he blushed bright red.

“N-Not like that.”

“Then what happened?” Steve asked willing to listen to Peter while Tony’s mind was jumping to other areas concerning sex and his inevitable destruction of Deadpool’s family jewels and scepter. Peter sighed, relaxing his somewhat sore muscles.

“These guys attacked Deadpool when he was on his way to the restaurant. I went to offer help and we were gunned down before I swung us out of the way.”

“Are you alright?” Tony asked renewing his inspection of Peter’s body. Peter waved him off.

“I’m fine.”

“What else happened?” Steve asked. Peter shrugged.

“Deadpool said he helped a woman get away from what sounded like her ex who wasn’t really her boyfriend in the first place. She’s safe from what Deadpool said. But I have a feeling the guys are going to keep going after Deadpool.”

“If that’s the case then you are not going on the next two dates with him. He can take his problems elsewhere.” Tony stated in certainty. Peter’s head shot up to stare at Tony in outrage.

“No!”

“I think your dad is right Peter. You shouldn’t go on any dates with Deadpool.” When Peter shot betrayed eyes at him Steve continued. “Just until whatever mess Deadpool has got himself in has blown over.”

“Or you know, not ever.” Tony muttered. Steve placed a calming hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“I can’t just leave him on his own dad.” Peter protested. “That’s not who I am.”

“You could get hurt Pete.” Tony tried to argue. “Deadpool’s problems are none of our concern.”

“I can’t just look the other way.”

“You can if it doesn’t involve you.”

“Tony, Pete, maybe-” Tony cut Steve off.

“He’s a mercenary and a psychopath. I cannot and will not allow my son to continue to be around someone so dangerous. Three dates was bad enough before but now that I know you’ll be hunted along with him. What’s to say he won’t just ditch you once his enemies do catch up to him?”

“I’m not fragile dad nor am I stupid. If memory served the Avengers were just as dangerous as Deadpool. Need I remind you of Natasha?”

“He’s got a point there Tony.”

“So you’re on his side?” Tony asked.

“There are no sides, I’m just being practical. We can come up with a solution to appease both parties-”

“With what? I am not okay with this situation and I sure as hell am not calming down enough to consider this any more.”

“Dad can’t you just trust me on this? I know what I’m doing. I won’t get hurt.”

“That’s what you said when the Green Goblin happened. And look what happened. This may actually be the time where you don’t come home Peter.”

“Tony!” Steve snapped. Peter drew in a breath but didn’t dare release it knowing something stupid would come out of his mouth. “You should go take a break. Now.” Tony opened  
his mouth. The stern look Steve gave him had him huffing before he turned and walked off, muttering under his breath.

“Let him cool off.” Steve suggested when Peter took a step forward about to follow Tony. “I’ll talk to him later.”

“But- He just-” Steve nodded leading Peter to the couch.

“I know. He’s just being a bit too dramatic tonight. He’s worried.”

“He shouldn’t be.” Peter muttered. Steve turned his blue eyes on Peter. Peter only lasted half a second against his pops gaze. “Don’t look at me like that please.”

“Your dad is the same.” Steve smiled. “Can’t escape the soul-searching. Now why don’t you tell me what had you so confused when you came back?” Peter jerked in surprise. “You didn’t really think I wouldn’t notice did you?”

“I-” Peter’s words failed as the conflicting emotions came surfacing about Deadpool. They warred with his urge to check on his dad. “Dad-”

“He’ll be okay Peter. I’ll check on him after I’m done with you. Promise.” Peter had never been able to hide anything with his pops. It was even worse when Steve sat him down and coaxed him into talking about his troubles. It’s why he hadn’t been able to keep his identity as Spiderman a secret when he’d first been bitten by that damn spider. “Peter?”

“It’s Deadpool...” Steve frowned when Peter didn’t continue.

“Did he do something?”

“No no no, It’s nothing like that... Well not really... It’s- it’s,” Peter groaned. “Oh it’s all so complicated.”

“So uncomplicate it.” Peter gave Steve a bland look. Steve only smiled reassuringly. Peter took a stabilizing breath before he blurted out,

“I flirted with Deadpool.”

“I... see.” Steve’s face seemed to pinch a bit as he took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. “And you’ve never flirted with him before?”

“No. He does, but- I couldn’t help it.” Peter admitted. It had been funny to leave Deadpool hanging, literally. It felt like the power had transferred to him and it felt kind of great. He didn’t even give the thought of Deadpool getting revenge any thought.

“Why did you feel the need to flirt?” Steve asked.

“He always flirts and I figured it would surprise him if I did. But on the way home I started thinking of how I would like to surprise him again and- and- I should really shut up now.” Peter cut himself off at the look on Steve’s face. “You hate me don’t you?”

“No!” Steve was no stranger to Peter’s insecurities and often had to tell the boy he loved the most in the whole world that he was proud of him and loved him unconditionally. Almost as many times he told Tony he loved his very being. “No I would and could never hate you. It’s just, this is Deadpool son. Tony was right when he said he’s a mercenary and a certifiable psychopath. Can you understand if your son or daughter was in your shoes and you were in ours?”

“I’d trust them to make their own decisions.” Peter said.

“It’s easier said than done son. Deadpool has a healing factor and while you do too, his is better, and you can still get hurt. If Deadpool drags you into his mess what’s to stop you from getting hit with a bullet to the heart or the head? You won’t heal from that. And what if Deadpool himself goes too far and his delusions have him mistaking you as a target? There are many ways this whole thing could go wrong. Do you understand?”

“I understand. But he hasn’t hurt me so far.”

“’So far’?” Steve asked in confusion. The look on Peter’s face was enough of a confirmation. “How long have you been seeing him?”

“It’s not like that pops, honest! We’ve just teamed up a couple of times.”

“Enough to know he won’t hurt you?” Steve asked.

“He won’t. He’s not the psychotic murderer everyone thinks he is.”

“He still kills.” Peter glared.

“I’m sure the Avengers have never killed either.” Steve sighed, leaned back and rubbed his face before he came back.

“You say you know Deadpool, but what if you’re wrong Peter?” Peter held up his phone to show a picture of Bruce and Tony in the lab laughing at something Peter had said. Behind them Steve was blushing slightly but there was a smile on his face.

“If I’m wrong then Bruce is clearly the Hulk 24/7.” Steve sighed.

“Son, I don’t want you to put your full heart into this. I know you are hopeful but this is Deadpool. He’s not mentally stable and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Dad isn’t fully stable either.”

“Touche.” Steve and Peter shared a look before Peter slumped his shoulders.

“I’ll keep my guard up.” Steve nodded.

“Thank you. And you might want to text me or your dad whenever Deadpool takes you somewhere else on your dates. Understood?”

“Got it pops.” Steve nodded before he got up.

“Now I have to check on your dad before he blows something else up.”

“Too late for that sir.” Friday’s voice chimed. Steve sighed heavily making Peter grin despite the seriousness of his dad’s newest explosion.

“Honestly Pete, you and your father are going to be the death of me.”

“You’re Captain America pops, you’re invincible.” Pete called as Steve walked towards the elevator.

“And aren’t you supposed to be ‘amazing’?” Steve shot back before the doors closed. Pete rolled his eyes but still laughed. He took one look around the living room before getting up and walking to his bedroom to shower.

o.O.o

After his shower Peter laid in bed staring at the ceiling wondering about his next date with Deadpool. The list of dates wasn’t something that would help as tonight had proven. They, or at least Spiderman, was a hero and things would and could come up to interfere with the dates. Peter pulled out his phone and texted Deadpool.

‘Did you get out of the webs yet?’ The webs would have thinned enough to free Deadpool by now but reminding the merc of his sticky situation was a form of payback for all the sex jokes he heard.

‘You sir are a fuckin tease.’ Peter’s face was split in half by a wide grin. ‘I will have vengeance.’

‘Victory is mine.’

‘Baby boy you don’t have the balls to imitate Stewie.' 'You obviously don't know enough about me to make that statement.' 'I'd like to. And I'm prepared to dedicate a whole night and day of exploring to figuring out what makes you squirm.' Peter's face heated up as he read Deadpool's text. Of all the cheesy lines Deadpool had to go and say that. They'd only been on one date. Not like that ever stopped Deadpool when they didn't have any dates planned. Peter put the phone down and stared at the ceiling. If he continued with the dates would Deadpool use these as evidence that they could have a working relationship while being them? It wasn't hard to continue with their friendship in place but to move onto dating it was bound to get weird right? Especially as Tony and Steve were firmly against him being anywhere near Deadpool. Peter's line of thought cut off as his phone buzzed with a new text message. 'Baby boy you there? Don't ignore me!' There was a gif of Stewie pulling on his crib bars and yelling. Subtitles under the gif read: Get back in here and love me!! Peter snorted. 'I'm here you dope.' 'Good, thought for sure I'd need to rescue the princess from her parents locking her into the tower.' 'I'm not a girl Pool. Just getting ready to sleep.' 'Can I join you?' Before Peter's heart could explode from thinking about Deadpool breaking into NAF another text came in. 'Just kidding. I need to set up for our date tomorrow. You think Captain Ironpants would let you stay over?' 'I doubt it. But if we happen to lose track of time accidentally who knows.' 'Ooh don't go giving me ideas. I'll see you then Baby Boy.' 'Night Deadpool.' Peter dropped his phone on the bed once again and yawned before stretching his sore body. Once he was sure his muscles had ripped from his stretch he grabbed his phone and placed it on the nightstand before crawling under his sheets. Peter didn't have time to close his eyes before a text came in. Briefly he contemplated just leaving the message until morning. The curiosity in him didn't even give that notion a second thought. Peter grabbed his phone and unlocked his phone. The message had his eyes widening in surprise. His mind raced as he thought of a way to go about handling his information. Before Peter could overreact- well overreact anymore- another text came in. This one had Peter blinking once, twice before he smiled softly and replied. He laid down once again sure there were no more texts. 'The name's Wade Wilson Baby Boy.' 'You don't have to tell me your name or hand over your secret identity. I was just getting tired of you calling me Deadpool or Pool. And while it is a kickass name I'd rather you called me by my real name. Good night Spidey.' 'Good night Wade.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am soo late. But in my defense I still have no wifi, work has been piling up, and my sister and her daughter are now living with me. Children do not mix with quiet time. It does not help that I have been going a little overboard on Hijack and Spideypool fics. I'm trying to hold back but that's like trying to not eat chocolate. Impossible. But on another note I am so happy and flattered with the kudos, bookmarks, and reviews. They just make me so damn happy. So you know what you have to do right? That's right, eat chocolate. I'm just kidding, review.


	5. Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DP: I can't even look at you right now.  
> GM: You don't have a neck to turn away anyway. So your stuck looking at me.  
> DP: How did you even trust them to not leave us here like this?  
> GM: They're kids Deadpool. I didn't think they had the skills for this kind of thing.  
> DP: Those little shits were running around with scissors screaming about cutting off body parts.  
> GM: Yeah that should have been the first clue.  
> DP: YOU THINK?!  
> GM: Well thanks for shielding me.  
> DP: Not like it helped did it?  
> GM: True. Oh look they're back. Well readers I have prolonged your suffering. Enjoy.  
> DP: GET THAT FUCKING WATERMELON AWAY FROM ME!!
> 
> *Oh and in case no one went back to read the last chapter to get caught up- I changed the last chapter ending. Simply because I really did screw up some things that I am surprised no one else noticed. Or if they did notice no one said anything to warn me. Okay read on.

In the morning Peter found himself making breakfast in the kitchen when the elevator doors opened to unleash Clint and Natasha.

“Hey Pete.” Clint called.

“Hey guys. Dad and pops aren’t out yet.”

“Would have thought Cap would be running or working out in the gym by now.” Nat murmured taking a seat at the breakfast bar.

“We did have an argument last night.” Pete confessed. “They were probably making up.”

“What were you fighting about?” Clint asked frowning as he pulled out a chair by Nat after getting a glass of orange juice.

“Nothing really.” Pete answered quickly. He turned away from Natasha’s narrowed eyes to continue making breakfast for the two newcomers. He didn’t see the look Nat and Clint shared behind his back.

“So how are your dates going?” Clint asked slowly.

“Fine. How are yours?” Pete turned around ready to dish out pancakes to Clint who happily cooed over the fluffy thin delights.

“I’m taking a seventy year old woman to dinner tonight. She probably won’t stop talking about her grand kids and how I’d be perfect for her youngest daughter.” Peter snickered, 

“It’s not funny. It took a lot of bribing to not have her calling the pastor last night to just marry one of her other daughters.”

“Wow. My dates are no where near as bad as that.” Steve appeared in the hallway looking proper as always. “Mornin pops.” Peter greeted. Steve nodded to everyone while simultaneously looking for coffee.

“So how are your dates?” Nat asked taking a sip of her dark coffee. “I don’t think Deadpool would make dating very easy on you. You are his role model.” Peter shrugged.

“Not as bad as I expected. I have another date tonight with him.”

“You sure you want to go out again so early after last night?” Steve asked.

“What happened last night?” Clint asked.

“Did Deadpool hurt you?” Nat asked surveying the scrape on Peter’s right forearm.

“No!” Peter asserted firmly, semi-glaring at Steve who gave him a sigh. “We just got into some trouble. Bad guys want to ruin a heroes date and all that. It ended okay, really.”

“You are just a magnet for trouble aren’t you Petey?” Clint chuckled.

“Hardy-har-har.” Peter sarcastically drawled. “Alright I gotta go to class.” Peter hugged Steve before saluting Clint and Nat.

“I’m surprised you didn’t nail him to the bed Cap.” Nat murmured once Peter was gone.

“I wanted to. Tony wanted to.”

“Nah they didn’t have the time.” Clint grinned. “Peter installed a small virus that kept the Iron Man suits from functioning properly.”

“Somehow I doubt the sugar in the gas tanks were all Peter’s ideas. His forte is computers.” Steve gave Clint a glare. Clint shrugged.

“What? He’s a teenager, they pick things up like that. He picked up how to pick a lock and steal things in under two minutes from Nat.”

“You spend more time with him than I do. Imagine what else he picked up from you.” Nat returned the focus to Clint smoothly wiggling out from under Steve’s exasperated glare.

“I’m sure Tony lent his own deal of tics and habits.” Clint muttered taking a sip of orange juice.

“How is the old man?” Nat asked. Steve sighed.

“He’s still in his workshop. He disagreed with Peter dating Deadpool.”

“I thought you could promise him anything and he’d follow you right into the bedroom?” Nat asked. Clint just about choked on his juice.

“Nat! I’m eating!” She rolled her eyes.

“Pussy.”

“Chicken shit.”

“Language!” Steve snapped. Nat smirked at Steve.

“Thought we were past all this Cap.”

“Shut it Romanov.”

o.O.o

Peter was a good student. His teachers, parents and various friends could attest to that. While he didn’t have the best perfect attendance he made up for that by acing his tests  
and homework. And when he did manage to get into class he paid attention to everything. Not to mention almost everyone knew he was Tony Stark and Steve Rogers kid so he was allowed some leeway. Not much but enough to keep his grades from failing and his attention from wandering.

Although his attention span this morning was one for the books. Peter spent so much time zoning out it caused his Professor to call him back at the end of the class.

“Are you alright Peter?” Professor Conner’s asked trying to be delicate. Peter blinked slowly.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Are you sure because you could barely focus long enough to form a comprehensible answer to the main features of quantum theory?” Peter flushed in embarrassment.

“Sorry Professor. I’ve just been a little distracted thanks to work and I haven’t been sleeping that well.”

“Is everything okay at home?” Peter nodded his head quickly.

“Yeah, no everything is fine. It’s just been a difficult time in my social life right now. I’m sorry about not paying much attention but I won’t do it again.” Professor Conner’s nodded.

“Alright. But you do need to start buckling down Peter. We’re going to be going over a lot of review for the next week. I don’t want to fail you when I know you don’t deserve anything less than a B+.”

“I understand.” Peter hurriedly grabbed his bag. “See you Professor.” Peter made it in record time to the front lawns of ESU. He briefly took in the sights and sounds of everyday life before he was heading straight to his bike. As he had a date tonight he’d be heading right to Stark Tower to get ready there before heading out as Spiderman.  
In the hours leading up to his date Peter spent swinging around New York as Spiderman.

When he was sure the city and it’s inhabitants were going to be good for the night Spiderman made his way to Dead- Wade’s apartment.

Spiderman had been to Deadpool’s apartment before when he’d needed to get the idiotic immortal somewhere safe so he could either regenerate or come back to life. Wade’s apartment wasn’t glamorous nor was it exactly something thought to be inhabitable but it was safe. From everything except the madman who lived there.

Spiderman crawled along the wall towards the window he usually went in from to find it wide open and the smell of pizza wafting out of the somewhat warm apartment.

“About time!” Deadpool crowed when Spiderman hopped through the window. It didn’t take half a second before Spiderman was wrapped in a Deadpool bear hug. “I could really get used to these hugs Spidey!”

“Personal space Wade! We talked about the personal space!” Spiderman’s muffled yells came. Deadpool’s eyes widened comically before he picked Spiderman up and practically screamed in Spiderman’s ears.

“You said my name!” Spiderman somehow managed to wriggle out of the constricting arms to catch his breath. Deadpool didn’t go after him, he was too busy muttering to himself.

“I know! You think we could make him say it again? You might be right Yellow. Oh that’s a good idea.” Spiderman simply waited for Deadpool to return to reality by looking around the shabby apartment. It wasn’t the worst apartment Peter had seen but it wasn’t the best either. There wasn’t a bedroom, more of an over sized living room with a flat screen and XBOX with two controllers, Kinect, and various movies stacked underneath the TV. The couch looked like it doubled as both bed and couch while the kitchen was overflowing with dirty dishes- both paper and ceramic. Take-out boxes overflowed from the trashcan while a sheet covered the doorway leading to the bathroom/shower.

‘Not much has changed. Other than the fact that he picked up his guns.’ Peter mused.

“WAIT!” Peter flinched at Deadpool’s loud voice. Apparently Deadpool had returned to earth. “Dang author screwed with my head. I thought we were going to meet on the library roof. Sorry about my manners Baby Boy, you want a slice of pizza?”

“Yeah.” Spiderman popped down on the couch. Deadpool threw a paper plate at Spiderman before he knelt by the XBOX and popped a movie in. Once Deadpool turned off the lights he gladly sat back on the couch.

“Spidey!” Peter swallowed his pizza before sighing.

“What?”

“Do you want to snuggle?” The rolling of Spiderman’s eyes was practically legendary. At least to everyone besides Deadpool.

“Have you showered recently?”

“Yeah.” Spiderman gave Deadpool a flat look. “I stood still and scrubbed myself while it rained last week. That’s progress.” Deadpool widened his eyes and whimpered like a dog.

“Don’t you have a shower here in this dump?” Spiderman asked.

“It might not be fancy like Stark Towers but it’s home web-head. So can we cuddle?”

“You asked to snuggle, not cuddle.”

“We can do both?”

“Why don’t we wait on that.” Deadpool pouted.

“Am I the only one invested in this relationship?”

“No but you are the only one standing between me and a good movie about talking fish.” Deadpool grunted before he flipped Spidey the bird. “Aw and I thought we had something special.”

“Really?”

“No. Shut up and watch the movie Wade.” Surprisingly enough, Deadpool did as told.

During the movie Peter would see Wade getting closer to him along the couch but every time he looked at Deadpool he was back where he had been before. Wade sang along to Dory’s song of ‘Just Keep Swimming’ and even tried to speak whale. To which Spiderman laughed as he just sounded constipated. When the movie ended Deadpool started the first of the Hobbit trilogy while Peter checked his phone.

‘Are you okay?’ Was sent from Tony.

‘Son if you have a moment please text your dad back. He’s worrying me.’ Came from Steve.

‘Hey kid, don’t plan a date for tomorrow. Could use your help during training.’ That was from Clint.

Peter quickly wrote back to all three before he turned his attention back to the TV and Wade.

“Who’s your favorite dwarf?” Wade asked.

“Never really given it a thought to be honest.” Wade nodded.

“I think I’d say Kili for mine.” Deadpool rubbed his hands together evilly. “That boy has so many weapons hidden in so many places.”

“Of course that would be your reason.” Spiderman laughed.

“You can’t tell me that’s not awesome!” Deadpool cried. “If I had hair I’d probably hide knives in it too.”

“And you’d carry an axe around?” Wade looked at Spiderman who only then realized that he and Wade were sitting side by side in the middle of the couch. Wade’s grin grew wicked. “Why Spidey, I thought even you would have noticed. I carry my axe around all the time.” Peter’s face burned with a blush. Both from the words and the close proximity to Deadpool. “Nice blush Spidey.” And that was when Peter realized his mask only covered half his face, exposing his blush and mouth to an equally exposed mouth.

“Shut up Pool.”

“Aw what happened to Wade?” He whined.

“Slipped my mind.” Peter tried for nonchalance. Wade just stared at him before moving in. Peter froze. Wade stopped but didn’t move away. “Deadpool?” Peter murmured.

“Don’t hit me.” The next thing Peter was comprehending was a warmth on his lips and a firm hold on his cheek. That was before the wave of heat came rushing from Peter’s brain and seemed to run throughout his body like a wildfire that knocked his oh so sensible mind on it’s ass.

A loud unfamiliar sound reached his ears while he drowned. Something warm and wet was in his mouth, exploring, invading. Yet while something like that would have had Peter on his toes this only seemed to heat the flames. His tongue came to life to battle Wade’s while his arms grabbed Wade’s arms and held on.

“Dea-” Peter tried to speak but the insistent tug on his bottom lip cut everything off. He gladly returned to the heated kiss that was dragging on way to long. He’d never felt anything this intense and to lose that seemed like such a pity.

“Goddamit Spidey.” Deadpool murmured against his lips before Peter was flat on the couch with his arms above his head and Deadpool between his thighs. The position seemed to knock Peter’s rational mind back and into overdrive as he realized the situation he was now in. He tensed up ready to fight but Deadpool stopped once he realized Peter’s state of mind.

“Spidey?” Deadpool panted.

“Get off.” Spiderman said. Deadpool hesitated. “Deadpool, get off me.”

“... No.” Deadpool seemed to be glaring at Spiderman.

“Why not?”

“Because if I know you, your going to run out of here and try to put this to the back of your mind. If you’re going to try to figure this out then you might as well stay so we can do that together. We are partners right?”

 

“Fighting bad guys yeah. Not this.” Spidey growled.

“Tomato, tamato.” The two super’s glared at each other long enough that the boxes in Deadpool’s head gave him an idea. “We’re going to play a little game here Spidey mmkay? Now I really like you and as you know you are cute as all hell. But I want to know: do you think you like me too? Because I’m getting mixed signals here. What with yesterday’s very obvious teasing and that hot kiss just now. I really don’t want to waste my time. Not that I could as I’m immortal but I could really use some- goddammit what’s the word?- clarification, that’s it.”

Spiderman’s one thought?

‘Fuck’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people. Nice day isn't it?  
> Okay I can mentally see the exasperation and daggers being thrown my way. I have no excuse for this long of a hiatus. I am terribly sorry for having you wait- I know the cruel irony's of waiting for updates myself. And actually I do have an excuse but who wants to hear my tales of work, kids, bills, woe, and life? But in an effort to make it up to you guys I give you this chapter with a cliff-hanger. And yes I know I'm setting myself up for failure again but I really will try to get the next chapter out on time.  
> On another note I hope you guys liked and or loved the new chapter. I didn't think Deadpool would want Spidey to run away from that heated make-out session so I had the boxes give him some boosted anger/confidence- just enough to hold Spidey down to talk. And yes that may or may not be OOC.   
> Please don't be afraid to let me know your thoughts on this chapter or the story as a whole. Until next time my lovelies.


	6. A Friendship Or Relationship?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How dare you show your face around here!"  
> "I'm sorry!"  
> "I've heard that before. I don't need your excuses."  
> "But-"  
> "No, you promised me Spideypool and you haven't delivered!"  
> "I gave you the last chapter!"  
> "I did not sign on for hot, sexy, fluff and neither did everyone else. We want hot, needy, sex that has us coming for days!"  
> "... Is that what you want or is that what the readers want?"  
> "What difference does it make? I make it good enough for everyone by drilling Spidey. :)"  
> "Dear god, what have I done."  
> "Exactly!"  
> "I updated and came back to this mess. Oh well, go big or go home."  
> "You want big?"  
> "Just shush you. Let them read this."  
> "But it's-"  
> "Shush! They need to read."

“So what do you say Spidey? Ready to admit your attraction to me?” Deadpool asked.

“I have an attraction.” Spidey growled out. “An attraction to kick your ass.”

“Aw, now your just being mean.” Deadpool whined. He leaned down to press his lips against Spiderman’s neck. Spiderman tensed harshly a second before his body turned traitor and relaxed against the skillful tongue licking a hot trail up his neck to his jawline. “You like teasing me and obviously love being teased, so why don’t we just come clean. Pun intended.”

“You- Get off me.”

“I’ll get off on you.” Deadpool murmured. He felt Spiderman’s body tense. A second later he was flat on his back on the floor with Spidey above him. Spiderman grit his teeth as he covered Deadpool in layers of webbing. “Oh playing hard to get huh? I like that.” Spiderman webbed his mouth shut.

“I told you to get off me. Not keep molesting me.” Spiderman growled. Deadpool could only groan as Spiderman yanked his mask down to cover his face once again before he jumped out the window into the New York night.

Through all the whirling thoughts that demanded to be analyzed Spiderman continued to shove them off until he was on top of some random building high above the cars honking and blaring. Only then did Spiderman pull off the mask and have his breakdown.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Peter groaned pulling his hair while pacing. While Peter knew he was bi he’d never had this strong of an... Attraction to anyone. Not Gwen and certainly not Mary Jane. Peter had no problems liking Deadpool- he had his moments being a hero despite the merc’s arguments and he was funny. It certainly wasn’t his looks as Peter could see past that to the man beneath. But the overwhelming need and want he’d felt when he had kissed Deadpool, yeah that scared him a lot.

Peter was brought out of his internal angsting by his phone which was buzzing quite a bit. He pulled out his phone to see three missed calls and five- no six text messages. All were from Deadpool. Peter hesitated before he opened the messages.

‘You okay Spidey?’

‘I’m- well I’m not sorry- but for your sake I’m sorry for pushing. Please call me back?’

‘Spidey?’

‘Baby boy?’

‘Spiderman please call me.’

Peter was about to click off when another text message came.

‘Fuck, I’m sorry if I upset you Baby boy. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’ll understand If you need space but I don’t want this to end our partnership.’ Peter sighed, defeated. Wade’s insecurity and fear had an unfortunate side effect of making Peter and Spiderman feel protective of the merc. This time was no different.

‘It’s okay Wade.’

‘I’ll call you in the morning.’

‘I’m sorry for running out like that.’ Peter grabbed his mask and pulled it on once again becoming Spiderman. A quick shot of web and Peter was launching himself towards Stark Tower. When he arrived on the penthouse balcony the lights were on inside but no one was there. Thankfully.

“Welcome back sir.” Friday greeted when he was inside.

“Hey Friday, where’s dad and pops?” Peter cast a quick glance at the elevator- too many close calls had him waiting on it in case someone came out to see Peter in Spiderman’s outfit.

“Steve and Tony are still at N.A.F and will stay there for one more night before coming back in the morning.”

“Anyone else here besides us?”

“Agent Romanoff is in her room, shall I alert her of your need to talk?” Peter pulled off his mask already heading to his room.

“No that’s okay. I’m just gonna head to bed. Thanks Friday.”

“Goodnight Peter.” Natasha’s door opened when Peter was about to pass.

“Hey, you okay? Friday said you were looking glum.” Peter sent a glare to the ceiling knowing the A.I. was watching.

“I’m fine.” Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh. Come in.” She moved aside allowing Peter entrance into her room.

“Don’t suppose this can wait until morning?”

“It could, but if I know you then you’ll have clammed up by then. Come on, I won’t kill you.” Peter felt like a child as he stomped into Natasha’s room and threw himself onto the bed. Unlike Peter’s own room here and at N.A.F. Natasha’s rooms were quite plain. There were no personal pictures or touches that indicated someone lived here. The only sense that the room was lived in was the lack of dust on the furniture.

“What do you want to talk about?” Peter asked folding his legs. Nat pulled up a chair and took a seat.

“Isn’t that my line?”

“I’m not in the mood.” Nat merely brushed his petulant tone off.

“I see. So what’s bothering you that’s made you act like a child throwing a tantrum?”

“I’m not-” One look from those icy blue eyes had Peter clamping his mouth shut. One did not lie to Natasha Romanoff without getting his ass beat into next week. So despite his reluctant attitude Peter told Natasha about what happened with Deadpool. “And now, I don’t know what to do. I mean I kind of have a vague outline of what I’m supposed to do but I’ve never,” Here Peter couldn’t stop his already pink face from going dark red. “I’ve never been with a man.”

“Do you want to be with him?” Nat asked. Peter blinked.

“I- yes?”

“You need to be sure Peter. Deadpool is a mercenary but I’ll admit that he hasn’t killed anyone in months.” She fixed Peter with an amused look. “I’m guessing that’s your fault.”

“Yeah. He said he wanted to change and be more like me. So I helped him.” Nat nodded.

“And with all you know about him, would you say he’s more of a good guy then he was when you first met?”

“Well yeah. He doesn’t kill for money anymore. He still talks to the voices in his head but it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning, I had to remind him I was still with him then. And he even saved a girl yesterday.”

“With all of this knowledge about Deadpool I would think you could make a decision on whether you should accept his obvious flirtations. What’s holding you back?”

“What if... What if he doesn’t want me after a while?” Peter asked lowly. “I’m not some gorgeous bombshell or even the sexiest man alive- that belongs to Ryan Reynolds apparently.”

“Who?”

“Never mind. What if it’s a mistake?”

“Whether it’s a mistake or not is not something you’ll know now. That comes after experience and time. You could choose to enter into a relationship with Deadpool or not it’s up to you. But a part of being in a relationship is knowing what your boundaries are for both parties.” Peter nodded before asking,

“Shouldn’t you be warning me to not get involved with Deadpool because he’s... well Deadpool?”

“Why would I do that? I’m not your mother. If you can fight against your own villains dressed in spandex then you’re an adult to me.” Nat scoffed. “I’m not Tony honey.”

“Thanks Nat.”

“No problem kid. Anytime you’re not willing to talk come to me.” Nat stood up. “Now if you don’t mind I believe you were on the way to bed.” Peter nodded before getting up.

“We really should decorate your room Nat. Put in some pink or even blues.”

“You redecorate my room and I will wrap you as a gift and present you to Deadpool naked.” Peter blushed while Nat smirked.

“Night then.” When Peter was safe in his room he leaned against the door. “This family is crazy.” He chuckled before heading to shower and finally, finally lay down to sleep. Before he went to sleep though, Peter checked his phone.

There were no new calls or text messages from Deadpool.

‘Hey Deadpool?’

‘Hey Spidey, what’s up?’

‘Wanna meet me for patrol tomorrow night?’

‘You serious? I get to join you again? Wait- do I get to have my own web blasters?’ Peter chuckled.

‘Not after last time.’

‘Come on that was one mistake.’

‘One mistake you keep making over and over.’

‘Well how am I supposed to know not to push the damn red button?’

‘It says “emergency”.’

‘It was an emergency!’

‘You were staring at my ass again. How is that an emergency?’

‘I needed to explode. ;)’ Peter’s grin was now stuck on his face.

‘You are not getting your own web blasters.’

‘Can I get a Spidey kiss then?’ Peter bit his lower lip before texting his reply.

‘Only if you keep your hands to yourself.’

‘Deal. Goodnight Baby boy.’

‘Night Wade.’

‘YOU SAID MY NAME AGAIN!’ Peter laughed before rolling over and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the wise!Natasha Romanoff angle. I especially love it when she's the clear headed figure among the males who are all hopped up on their ego.  
> I am so sorry for procrastinating once again. But once that dry spell has you it refuses to let you go. It's like syrup. Sticky, messy and so hard to resist. But thanks go to my reviewers who- without your kind words, threats and begging- have inspired me to shake off the dust bunnies and continue to write this story. Honestly, thank jesus. His review had me laughing my ass off enough to feel some pity for you guys.  
> Now onto some other business, what do you guys think the last date should be? Because I'm leaning towards a carnival that leads to revealing identities and some other XXX secrets. Whoops, was that too much to reveal? I have no idea. But leave a review or comment and I will consider them and get back to you guys as soon as I can. I'm aiming to get another chapter out this month. That'll be my new years resolution- to get two or three chapters out a month.  
> THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, LEFT A KUDOS, OR EVEN STOPPED TO READ THIS TRASH THAT IS SLOWLY RUINING MY LIFE (BUT IN A GOOD WAY)! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! :D


	7. The Carnival Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Holy fuckin' Jesus Mary n Joseph. What the fuck?"  
> "I know. I'm surprised too."  
> "What the shit, you're not a whole month late. What- Am I dreaming? I'm dreaming aren't I?"  
> "No you most certainly are not dreaming."  
> "I don't fucking believe this. You know what, there's a simple solution. Where are my guns?"  
> "Hey! What did I say about suicide? You are not offing yourself!"  
> "But how can I believe this?"  
> "... You're right. But you are not unaliving yourself. You take too long to come back."  
> "At least I come back. There are others who don't come back period."  
> "Do you want to read this chapter or not? Cause if you unalive yourself you can't read this until you come back."  
> "You could have started with that!"  
> "I was building the suspense. Anyway, read on people!"

Within the past twenty-four hours Peter had much to think about and much to do. And as he was such a meticulous little shit he decided to finish his homework for the rest of the week. That little distraction didn’t even take five hours before he was once again looking up at the ceiling wondering between reality and... well not fantasy but certainly a dream-ish scape.

The talk with Nat had helped, a lot. Not that he would ever admit it aloud. But then again when your self-appointed therapist/listener was a spy who excelled in reading body language (Peter was still firm that Nat could read minds. How else would she know half the shit she did before anyone else even formed the thought?) speaking aloud wasn’t an option.

Spending a few hours as just Spiderman and Deadpool patrolling and kicking bad guy butt had helped. Deadpool had given him the luxury of not bringing anything up about any relationships which had helped a lot. It had been nice. Of course once they were done for the night Peter had felt Deadpool watching him as he’d swung away back towards Stark Tower.

Peter rolled onto his side to flip his phone on. No messages or missed calls. Peter ignored the clench in his stomach to get up. Not hearing from Wade was good, or so he told himself. They had agreed on their next date last night so they didn’t need to talk or text but Peter still wanted his stupid phone to chime and let him know he had a message. He sighed, this whole situation was so much better when he knew Deadpool liked him but he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Now it was unavoidable.

A knock on his door had him jerking up and clearing his throat.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Peter it’s me.” Steve called.

“Come in!” Peter threw his phone on his nightstand before giving all his attention to Steve. “Hey pops. W-What’s up?” Steve moved aside to show Tony standing behind Steve looking petulant. “Dad?”

“We want to talk to you Peter. And without shouting this time.” Steve assured seeing Peter’s stiff body language.

“Oh, uh, okay.” Peter relaxed. Steve smiled slightly before he walked over and took a seat on the bed a little ways apart from Peter. Tony on the other hand plopped onto the desk chair and wheeled it over to his husband and son. “So what did you want to talk about?” Peter looked from Tony to Steve then back to Steve.

“How have your dates with Deadpool been going?” Steve asked.

“Uh, alright. We really haven’t done much other than dinner and a movie.”

“And when’s your next date?” Peter noted that Steve hadn’t said ‘last’. Tony caught it too as the air around him seemed to darken.

“Are you okay dad?” Peter asked.

“Fine.” Tony answered shortly. “Answer the question.”

“Okay. Uh, Wa- Deadpool suggested going to the carnival in Central Park tonight.”

“That sounds nice.” Steve smiled. “I remember the first carnival I went to when I woke up. Your dad took me.” Peter smiled. “It was also our first kiss.”

“Dad always said you guys kissed after he saved your life.” Steve threw Tony a look reserved for five year olds. Tony, for his part smiled sheepishly. The air around him lightened.

“What? I did save your life.”

“From a five foot tall teddy bear.” Steve deadpanned.

“Those things are vicious. They strangle you while your walking and suffocate you in your sleep.” Peter and Steve chuckled. Tony met Peter’s gaze and he sighed. “Peter I have to ask, are you interested in seeing Deadpool after these charity dates are over?”

“I want to.” Peter admitted slowly, ignoring the slight blush on his face.

“Peter...” Tony was cut off.

“Stop dad. I know what you’re going to say and I don’t care. Well I really do care because I want you guys to all get along. Wa- Deadpool’s not that bad once you get past his rambling. In fact he’s a lot like me in terms of sarcasm and rambling. He’s sweet and caring to me and to people who don’t treat him like a walking time bomb. He’s not a killer 24/7- in fact he hasn’t killed anyone in months because I asked him not too. I hope you just give him a chance. Pops gave you one even after you proved you were a dick to everyone but me.” Peter gasped for air. Steve chuckled while Tony groaned, putting his face in his hands.

“I think you made your point Peter.”

“I hope you don’t regret this kid.” Tony sighed.

“Tony.” Steve warned.

“Dad!”

“I’m just saying. Better to be prepared about this whole thing. We all know who we’re talking about right? Might as well keep one eye op- wha!” Steve had grabbed Tony and threw him over his shoulder. “STEVE!!”

“Okay we will be leaving. Uh let us know when you’re going to leave for your date okay son?”

“You muscle head put. Me. Down!”

“Will do pops.” Peter snickered. Steve nodded before he walked to the door, Tony in hand. Well in arms. “Be gentle with him pops.”

o.O.o

“Do you have everything?” Vision asked. Peter quickly shoved his shoes onto his feet.

“I think I do.” Peter responded. “Mask in is my pocket, suit is on underneath my civilian clothes, cell phone in other pocket and wallet in jeans.”

“Do you require a bag pack for your civilian clothes?” Vision asked.

“Would be a good idea in case I win any prizes too huh?” Peter smiled.

“Exactly, sir.” One quick shot of webbing and Peter was holding his backpack. “I do believe your webs have made you lazy.”

“You walk through walls, Wanda can hear people’s thoughts, Nat reads people’s secrets and pop’s has puppy dog eyes. If you guys have powers to do the little things than so can I.”

“Deadpool is waiting in the lobby Peter.” Friday reported.

“Does anyone else know?”

“No. Tony and Steve are in the lab. Everyone else is out for the evening.”

“Wanda is in her room.” Vision reported. Peter smiled slightly at the android.

“So when are you planning on courting her?” Vision jerked into an strict military stand.

“I-I don’t-” Peter internally laughed at Vision’s disrupted composure. “That is- Um...”

“Hey I’m just kidding.” Peter smiled as he got into the elevator. Vision cleared his throat and nodded once.

“Right. Well what time shall I say you’ll be returning?”

“Maybe after midnight. It’s a carnival and it’s a bit of a drive.” Vision nodded before turning as the doors closed. “You should take her somewhere fun. I think she’d like that.” Peter called. The doors closed.

“Smooth.” Friday muttered. Peter shrugged.

“What? Wanda knows what it’s like to be confined all the time. It’s not healthy.”

“I suppose we should just be happy she’s not dating a mercenary too.” Friday quipped. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Wait till you get a body.”

“I don’t plan to. Vision has ruined the experience for me.”

“So you’re just going to stay apart of dad’s butler system and his suits?” The elevator was only one floor from the lobby. Peter pulled on his mask.

“I prefer it. This way I can keep an eye on all of you delinquent children.” The doors binged open allowing Peter to see into the giant lobby of Stark Tower. The only thing that interrupted the cold, high tech lobby flow was the man. He was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, jacket and red and black mask. Peter felt his throat go dry as Deadpool called out.

“Hey baby boy!” Spiderman calmly walked out of the elevator. “You’re looking good. Though between you and me I prefer the spandex.”

“Whatever Pool.” Spiderman rolled his eyes. Deadpool made a choked sound.

“Oh my god!” Spiderman saw a flash before Deadpool was kneeling in front of him with his hands in his. Peter blinked in confusion until he realized what Deadpool was doing. A hot blush quickly formed across his face making Peter feel like his face was in front of a fire. “You’re hands.” Deadpool cooed rubbing Peter’s hands against his mask as if he could feel Peter’s skin.

“Deadpool! Get up you idiot.” Deadpool ignored him and started to massage Peter’s hands in his.

“They’re so... Beautiful.” Deadpool whispered. The flush on Peter’s face spread down his neck and to his ears.

“Deadpool!” Peter hissed seeing security staring at them. “Get up you weirdo.” Deadpool got up but he didn’t let go of Peter’s hands.

“If I wasn’t sure before I definitely am now. You’re a gorgeous babe aren’t you?” And there went Peter’s hope that his blush wouldn’t spread. “With hands like these I’m guessing so. What do you need a scarred fuck up like me for?” Peter frowned.

“Don’t make me web you up again Deadpool. This is not the time for a pity party and we are not doing this now. We are going to the carnival so be happy.” Peter switched their holds so now he was the one holding onto Deadpool’s scarred hands. He started pulling him to the doors.

“Ow, baby boy, you’re manhandling me.” Deadpool cried. “At least save that for when we’re in bed.” Peter resolutely ignored his blush.

o.O.o

“So what are we supposed to do if you get swarmed by millions of people asking for autographs?” Deadpool asked as he and Spidey walked through Central Park not minding the families walking beside them that were either too wrapped up in themselves or hadn’t yet realized the vigilante’s were beside them.

“Don’t worry.” Spidey answered shrugging. “I’m all yours for the next few hours. Unless someone robs a bank or starts a police chase.” Deadpool couldn’t argue against that as Spiderman was still holding his hand. Yep, you read that right. They’re still holding hands.

“God I hope no one is that stupid tonight. Please have mercy on me writer!” (Maybe she will, maybe she won’t) “Fuck please no interruptions.”

“The only one interrupting is you Wade.”

“I love it when you say my name.” Wade admitted. “But I still don’t know your name.” Spiderman was quiet. “You don’t have to tell me but I just thought-”

“Peter.”

“What?”

“Peter.”

“Y-You actually told me your... Why?” Wade asked pulling them to a stop. Spidey- no- Peter looked back with a tilt of his head like a puppy. Fuck that was cute. “Why would you tell me your name? And after all this time?”

“Why not? I think I can trust you not to tell anyone else. Besides, we are friends right?”

“Friends...”

“Best friends?”

“Boyfriend?” Deadpool asked slyly. “Come on, admit it. You like me like me.” Peter rolled his eyes. Wade might not be able to see Peter’s eyes but he always knew when Peter was rolling his eyes at him. It was his sixth sense.

“We’ve only been on three dates and not all of them were traditional dates.”

“Fuck tradition Spi- Peter. We ain’t traditional in any sense of the word. Besides, I know you like me.” Wade grinned before pulling a stiff Peter towards the carnival at a faster pace.   
“What are we waiting for? I want to go on the Ferris Wheel.”

“Slow down already. We’ll get there.” Peter called. Deadpool only stopped once they were standing in front of the giant pale green wheel. Peter felt his excitement levels rise as he looked all around at the people having fun. The lights on display along with the sounds of children screaming and laughter from all around seemed to highlight the moment Spiderman and Deadpool locked eyes.

Deadpool drew closer to Spidey’s ear causing Peter’s spider senses to heighten. Instead of the childish tone he usually associated with Deadpool it was a huskier and deeper voice that whispered,

“Want to go for a ride baby boy?” Peter shuddered before he replied.

“We’re around kids Wade.”

“They won’t know what we’re doing. They’re parents might but that’s because you probably won’t be able to keep quiet.”

“Keep talking like that and you’re not getting anything.” Peter decided to add to Wade’s stress by kissing his cheek and getting in line for the Ferris Wheel.

“Tease.”

“Only because I like you.” Deadpool was by Peter’s side immediately.

“Care to repeat that Peter?”

“Okay. ‘That Peter.’” Deadpool chuckled.

“Someone’s being a smart ass.”

“If I remember correctly, you like my ass.”

“Honey I could write poetry about dat ass. Matter of fact I have. Wanna hear?”

“No.”

“No fun.”

“I’m plenty of fun.”

“In bed.”

“Not that you would know.”

“I’m going to repeat this because it applies so well. You sir, are a fuckin’ tease.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually am very surprised I finished this chapter so quickly. Originally I was going to make this chapter longer but I didn't want to have a bunch of short chapters and only one long chapter. So I broke it in half. This is partly due to all the '_ has Talent' and 'The Voice' auditions I've been looking at recently. Oh and the Andrew Garfield/Ryan Reynolds kiss from the Golden Globes on Sunday. That was a major boost to my muse and voila! New Chapter- I really do mean that. I just took one look and I was so happy, cheesy and dopey. In fact I'm pretty sure I scared my family members. Much love to those two actors who have made SpideyPool happen (At least in my POV- if I upset anyone with that what can I say? It's my POV. Though I can't imagine anyone who's reading this *ehemSpideyPoolehem* to say that.) Anyway, I will try to get the other chapter out soon. I plan on milking my muse as long as I got her.  
> But I can't forget to thank the people who have left a kudos, reviewed/commented, and bookmarked. I love you guys and your continued support. It means so much to me. Let's just hope I can continue this surprise updating. Though it might kill some of you guys to see this won't it? :)


	8. The Carnival Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Where have you been?"  
> "Hoping and praying for my life to stop it's rollercoaster ride and wishing for calm seas?"  
> "Don't start the faux Emily Dickens' metaphors. I've been lying here since Tuesday!"  
> "At least you weren't starving."  
> "No but I've been covered in a three inch thick chocolate shell with strawberries and whipped cream. Those are not things you want to get covered in especially when you are such a procrastinator."  
> "Well that was your fault. You know I've been so busy lately."  
> "Yeah, because you don't know how to say no."  
> "I do know how to say no. What I lack is the capacity to say no, especially when it involves money."  
> "You greedy, selfish, self-absorbed-"  
> "OOOkaay, stop right there DP. We must let the people read this Pt.2 that we are denying."  
> "You are denying them."  
> "I'm trying to finish the conversation. You keep babbling."  
> "This is not over. Not by a long shot."  
> "(Sigh) It never is."

Atop the Ferris Wheel felt like being on top of the world. That’s what some people would say but Spiderman had been higher than this while flying through New York’s pleasant smog filled streets. But for some reason having Wade next to him filling his ears with constant chatter made a warm feeling pool in Peter’s stomach. 

“And then the guy just had to piss me off by spoiling the ending so of course I had to teach him a lesson. I mean who does that? What fucked up moron just ruins the fucking ending of Harry freaking Potter for another person? Dipshit totally crushed my dreams of a Drarry ending.”

“You had to know there was not enough chemistry for that to be a possibility.” Peter pointed out.

“Bullshit! Seven freaking books and you have Harry either stalking Draco or Draco flirting with Harry by antagonizing him just to get him to look at him. There is no possible way those two were not fucking each other, especially after the sixth book.”

“Didn’t Harry nearly kill Draco?”

“What’s a little maiming between lovers? I’m pretty sure if you had the balls you’d be killing me weekly.” Peter frowned at Wade’s certain tone.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Peter murmured.

“Aw, you ole’ softie. Nah, you’d probably tie me up and gag me. Which by the way is totally one of my turn on’s.” Wade chuckled. Peter was so glad, for the thousandth time, that a mask covered his face. The image of Wade tied up and helpless was not something he needed to think of. Though it was a pleasant thought. Peter shoved that image to the back of his mind for further analysis later when he was alone. “-that’s just me. But if you want you can pour hot chocolate on your body. I’ll bet you’re kinky as fuck.”

“We are not talking about this.” Peter ordered firmly. Mainly because he was afraid lil’ Spidey would come out to play if Wade kept talking like that. “Not now and definitely not anytime soon.”

“Kill joy!” Wade pouted. Peter only chuckled. In one unsuspecting jolt the Ferris wheel came to a stop, making the two super humans tense. Peter moved to look below them to make sure no trouble was happening. The man operating the ride didn’t seem to be panicking and no one was screaming so Peter assumed all was good. Not that he trusted that but his spider senses weren’t going off so everything must be okay.

“It’s fine. Just people getting on.” Wade confirmed.

“How crappy must life be if we can’t relax enough for one date?” Peter wondered not expecting a response.

“Speak for yourself babe,” Wade half-groaned/half-moaned as he stretched his upper body. “I’m as relaxed as a cucumber.”

“Don’t you mean cool as a cucumber?”

“I know what I mean. Now,” Wade twisted around so fast Peter was almost afraid the pod would tilt and spill them out. Not that it would be a problem but so far everyone thought they were just teens wearing prize masks not the actual Spiderman and Deadpool. “Petey honey pie, what’s say you show me the man under the mask?”

“Not happening.” Peter deadpanned. Wade pouted.

“Why? Come on, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“I can’t believe you’re still whining about my face. You got my name.”

“And I will happily scream your name to the heavens in and out of the bedroom but I also want to see if my hunch about your face is correct.” Once again heat had returned to Peter’s face.

“No.”

“Oh come on. I’ve practically seen every inch of your body already.”

“When have you ever seen-”

“You wear spandex. Doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Although II do lIke to imagine all sorts of things about your skin.” Deadpool cackled. “Got any tattoo’s?”

“No! And you should have a good idea of what I look like. God knows you fantasize about me every chance you get.” Peter grunted.

“I can’t help it. You have a very... Supple rear end.” Peter rolled his eyes at the mention of his ass.

“Keep away from my butt Deadpool. I warned you already don’t make me do it again.”

“Fine. But you have to admit with the two of us way up here and no one else in sight, it’s very romantic.” Once again Wade was invading Peter’s personal space. “What do you say about a proper kiss?” Peter was instantly aware of the heat radiating from Wade. “Hmm? Petey? How about a kiss from good ole’ Wade? We’ve already done it before.”

“Deadpool...” Peter warned. Wade sighed but moved back.

“I know, I know, you’re not ready. Can’t blame a man for trying.” And just like that Wade was slouched in the seat across Peter. “So what else are we supposed to do on this date? It’s been a while before I’ve actually been to a carnival.” Peter couldn’t ignore the underlying emotion in Deadpool’s overly cheerful voice. The Merc did a good job of hiding his emotions but Peter could always hear the tinged sadness and other emotion hidden in his voice. He didn’t want Wade to go home sad and do something like kill himself again. Life should be cherished, not taken for granted. But if the Merc didn’t want to be around Peter anymore tonight he could give him an easy way out.

“If you’re tired we can leave.” Peter offered.

“Why aren’t you just a thoughtful gentleman?” Peter swore Wade was batting his eyelashes at him. “We haven’t even impressed you with our strength yet baby boy. Not to mention our aim.” Deadpool stage whispered, “Btw, I never miss.”

“I know that already.” Peter reminded, ignoring the double entendre. “And as for strength, did you forget I’m stronger than you?”

“Ooh, save save that dirty talk for the bedroom baby boy. You’re gonna make me burst right here and now.” Wade clicked his thumb like a gun, somehow managing to make his masked eye wink.

“Shut up Wade.” Peter hissed feeling heat spread from his cheeks to his ears. The ride chose that moment to continue it’s cycle. Once the Ferris Wheel came to a stop at the bottom Peter practically leapt out. Wade snickered knowing he’d gotten to Peter. Peter dragged Wade to almost every single stall and game the carnival offered.

It worked to distract Wade long enough to win first prizes when it was his turn to play.

“How are you going to carry all those back?” Wade asked indicating the seven stuffed animals Peter currently carried in his arms while Wade fed them both kettle corn.

“I’ll just wrap them in webs and carry them like a bag pack. Won’t be that hard.”

“Hah! Just wait, we aren’t even half done.” Wade promised pulling him to a ring toss game next. Of course he didn’t miss a single ring and got a big stuffed panda bear.

“You’re carrying that one you ass.” Peter growled when Wade tried to pawn it off on Peter.

“But I was gonna try the Test Your Strength game. I gotta show off all these muscles.” Deadpool made a show of flexing his muscles. Peter snorted a laugh but followed Deadpool to the Testosterone Sizer.

“Step right up and test your strength! You sir, come right on up and take a try. Only $5!” The man advertising the game called Wade’s already focused attention. “A good way to impress a date and show your mighty strength.”

“Alright quit selling yourself Bob, I’m gonna win and get the top prize.” Wade boasted.

“Many have tried sir. But that Pikachu remains here with me looking for the strongest man alive.” Peter chuckled as Wade’s chest inflated. The mallet wasn’t very heavy for Wade, in fact it was a pretty good size and weight to smash some heads in with, but those were thoughts left in the dark. Wade swung the mallet and struck the weight as hard as he could. Part of him hoping to break the machine to impress Peter.

The weight rose higher and higher, passing Useless, Pathetic, Weakling, Puny, Average, and Strong surprisingly well, but had slowed considerably enough to struggle to pass Mighty. Wade’s eyes bugged as the weight made it to Impressive but got no further. The bell trilled happily as the vendor congratulated Wade.

“Good job son. I got just the prize for you here.” The vendor held out a stuffed turtle for Wade to take.

“Oh I’m not done with you yet.” Wade growled. Peter felt a slight tingle at the back of his head causing him to drop his stuffed animals and grab Wade’s wrist.

“How about you let me try Wade?” Peter asked. Wade hesitated. “Come on, you’ve been winning me prizes all night. Why not let me win you something? Please?” Wade’s silence lasted another minute before he nodded.

“Alright, but you better not get stuck at Mighty. I will be severely disappointed if you can’t make it past Strong.” Wade threatened as he handed another $5 to the vendor who chuckled at Peter’s slight frame.

“If you’d like I can try setting the weight to ‘easy’ for you.”

“What’s it on now?” Peter asked.

“Well I have it set to ‘hard’.” Peter nodded.

“Good. Keep it there.”

“He better break this thing.” Wade grumbled to himself. “No he has not.” Peter didn’t know what Wade and the voices were talking about but he could guess. So Peter relaxed his control over his super strength and swung the mallet. The weight didn’t even slow down as it shot right past the levels and hit Jackpot so hard the resulting clang sounded like something important had broken.

“Wow, hope I didn’t break anything.” Peter chuckled sheepishly. The vendor gaped as Peter handed back the mallet. “I can take the Pikachu right?”

“Uh... Wha... How...”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Peter grabbed hold of the large stuffed yellow mouse and handed it over to Wade who was shaking with laughter. “I thought that would be harder.”

“Oh I’m seriously thinking of putting a ring on you Petey.” Wade cackled. Peter blushed but decided to put the topic to the side in favor of listening to Wade’s laughter. True laughter from the mercenary was hard to come by, he wasn’t going to mess it up now.

The rest of the night was one whirlwind tornado full of excitement and laughter. Eventually a few people were able to figure out that Spiderman was walking among them after they saw Peter shoot webs when he thought no one was looking. Wade got them out of the carnival grounds before it got to crazy.

“Thanks for tonight Wade. It’s been a while since I had this much fun.” Peter said as they got out of the taxi.

“No kidding. Have a nice night Dopinder!”

“Your welcome Mr. Pool! Mr. Spider!” The quirky Indian waved before leaving the two super humans. Wade held the door open for Peter.

“Although I have to admit, I really wanted to win the Pikachu for you.” Peter snorted

“I honestly don’t think I could find a place for him. It’s better he stays with you.” He indicated the other fluffy animals he was already carrying. “I’ve got them to keep me company.”

“I’d like to keep you company too.” Deadpool flirted. “All night and all day.”

“Not a good idea when the Avengers are down the hall.” Peter quipped. “I don’t think you’d enjoy Black Widow killing you.”

“I don’t know. She’s got some killer curves.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that.” Peter warned pushing the button for the elevator. A comfortable silence settled around the pair as they waited for the elevator. Peter suddenly became all to aware that this was the last date they had signed up for. No more arguing with Tony and Steve was a plus but no more dates with Wade... A sudden hole in Peter’s chest became crystal clear.

“I guess this is the last date.” Peter murmured slowly. Deadpool tensed.

“It is isn’t it?” Peter and Wade stared at each other.

“You know-”

“Do you-” They stopped.

“You should go first.” Peter encouraged. Wade cleared his throat.

“Do you think-” The elevator doors opened to reveal Steve in his pajamas on his tablet.

“Po- Steve.”

“Oh, hey P- Spiderman. Deadpool. Must have forgotten to hit the floor number again. Oh well. Coming back a bit late aren’t you?” Peter coughed sensing bullshit.

“Los- lost track of time.”

“Hey Captain, you’re looking good. I see Iron Ass hasn’t chained you to his side.” Wade’s too cheerful voice came back. Peter silently wished Pops would just wait, silently. But that was just not to be.

“Wade what have I said about language?” Steve frowned.

“Have you been talking to Colossus?” Wade gasped. “Don’t go down that road Captain. You’re better than that uptight mother fucker.”

“Wade you really should try cursing less. Spiderman, Tony wants to see you.”

“O-oh. Right.” Peter grabbed his stuffed animals, leaving Pikachu for Wade. “I’ll see you later Deadpool.”

“Sure thing Spidey! It was nice going on three dates. I can die a happy man- well not really you know what with the ‘not-being-able-to-die-at-all’ thing.”

“Make sure you don’t cause any disturbances on your way home Deadpool.” Steve ordered pushing the penthouse floor.

“Good night Deadpool.” Peter murmured as the doors closed. The elevator started moving.

“Did you have a good time?” Pops asked gently.

“Yeah, yeah it was... nice.” Great actually until you came and ruined any chances of me asking Wade... What for more dates? Would he have wanted more dates? Is that what he was going to ask? I should have asked despite Pops’ interference. I’m such an idiot.

“Peter?” Peter hummed in response. “I’m sorry about interrupting anything with Deadpool back there.”

“It’s fine.” Peter brushed off.

“... So what’s in the webs?”

“Oh, carnival prizes.”

“I see. You need any help carrying them?”

“Nah I got it pops. It’s just a bunch of stuffed animals.” The doors opened. “So where’s dad?”

“Where he usually is.” Steve answered, accepting Peter’s change of subject easily enough.

“Did he say what he wanted?”

“Yeah he said something but it was too technical to understand.” Peter nodded.

“Hey Friday?”

“Yes sir?”

“Tell dad I’ll be there in a second. I just need to drop something off in my room.”

“Will do.” Peter continued on his way to his room, dragging the web behind him. Once inside his room he dumped the animals on his bed. The webbing would disappear soon enough, it was already thinning. He could just go right to sleep after Tony was done with him. But first...

Peter slipped his phone out of his pocket and called Wade’s number. The phone rang.

And rang.

And rang.

And rang.

And rang.

‘Yo it’s DP leave a message. Unless you’re calling about a mission that needs to be carried out that leaves no witnesses, then you can find someone else.’

“Hey Wade, it’s me Peter. Can you meet me tomorrow at four on top of the usual place? I need to talk to you.” Peter hung up hoping Wade wouldn’t take his message the wrong way and would indeed meet him.

“Sir, your father is an impatient man.”

“I’m coming Friday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like that got sadder and sadder as time went on. I hope it was just me. Don't worry I'm not ending the story here. There are some loose ends I haven't tied up that I want to end on a happy note. Yes I am a sucker for a happy ending, sue me. Wait, no, never mind that. I don't have the money to pay library fines I can't come back from a lawsuit.  
> So on another note, hello all you lovely and wonderful people who have commented, left a kudos, bookmarked, and generally read my story. I am so sorry for this delay. I meant to have this done for Valentine's Day but unfortunately it didn't happen. Instead I got caught up in work and a very real meltdown on my future plans thanks to my boss who won't stop pressuring me about a certain annoyingly missing object in my life. But it's not my fault.. partly. That sucked and because of that my muse decided 'Nope, GTFO'. I managed to wrangle her back into place by listening to... of all things... the Backstreet Boys. Yes, I am a nerd obsessed with old 90's songs. Call me crazy but I can only seem to write this story whenever I heard slow, sad songs or songs about love. I've done the math. Anyway back on track, I'm hoping to get another chapter out before the end of the month so pray I get on that asap.  
> Remember to leave a comment as they do help and fuel my desire to get things done. It might not seem like it but it does help. Until next time.


	9. Date Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate you.  
> I love you too DP.  
> I really hate you.  
> I really love you too.  
> Why won't you just accept my disgust for you? I hate your guts. You are a horrible human being.  
> You should try saying that without hugging me. Are those tears in your eyes?  
> No. I'm allergic to you.  
> Wow, okay. Go cry over there then.  
> I'm not crying.  
> Fine then go clean your eyes out over there. They're turning red.  
> Okay. But I still hate you.  
> You write one measly chapter involving feelings and this is your reward. Maybe I should keep procrastinating.  
> NO! YOU ALREADY FINISHED NOW PUT IT UP SO EVERYONE ELSE CAN SEE THIS BEAUTY!!  
> Alright geez... I had to give him some confidence.

Deadpool stared at the phone as it vibrated in his hand. Another idiot calling about a job.

'Why not just answer it? Could be a close job.'

'When are they ever close to New York?'

"No we are not doing any more jobs. We promised Spidey." Deadpool continued climbing the way too damn long fire escape. "We just had to leave the damn grappling hook."

'We should have left early.'

'We also promised we'd be on time so hurry it up blubber butt.'

"Excuse you White but this ass is everything but blubber." Deadpool did a quick pose before cackling and continuing on his way.

'We're late. So late.'

'We said we'd be here. We didn't exactly say we'd get to the roof on time.'

'So what do you think he wants to talk about?'

"I don't know."

'But you have an idea.'

"No idea. Maybe it's a new assignment. New baddie."

'Good deflection. Just fess up, you're nervous.'

"I am fearless." Yeah right, even Deadpool couldn't believe that lie. He was scared. And for good reason. The friend zone is to be feared and avoided at all costs.

'It could be good news!'

‘Not necessarily. It could be bad news. After all misery and humiliation love us.’

"Then we'll just be friends." Deadpool assured.

'Can you? We love Spidey but can we survive the heartbreak if he wants things to go back to normal?' Deadpool stopped climbing the stairs. He's been rejected before that was nothing new, but after spending time with Peter/Spidey and getting to know him more in depth. And kissing him- he'd never felt anything like it before and probably never would again. But what if Spidey didn't want a relationship with him? He wasn't Prince Charming. He was barely Rumplestiltskin. He wasn't handsome on the outside, not someone worthy of Spiderman. He was broken. He had baggage bigger than the Titanic. Peter didn't deserve someone like him. It was the damn hope that kept him moving up the stairs. Turtle speed.

'We've survived worse things.' White reminded him.

'We could call and cancel?' Yellow offered as Deadpool reached the top of the stairs.

‘For now. But what about in the future? What if we miss our chance to be one half of a power couple?’

‘You just want to be able fuck him.’

‘So do you.’

‘No I want to keep him far away. I am not ready to have my heart broken.’

“You don’t have a heart. We share one. Don’t we?”

‘Last time I checked we did.’

‘What’s the point anyway? Spidey probably doesn't want us. He can't want us. We're all kinds of fucked up. We're nothing but killers.’ Yellow's vicious words caused Deadpool to halt all movement. Doubt surged up like a tidal wave and hit him clear in the chest.

“He has a point. Maybe it’s best if we just skip town.” Deadpool started to move back down the stairs.

‘And ruin the one good thing we had going for us?’ White screamed over the deafening doubt, self-hatred, anger, and self-loathing. 'We're more than what we used to be. Spidey he-'

‘Take a look White, we don’t have a good thing. We never did. It was all just a fucking dream. Spidey only went out with us because we bought him. He doesn’t need us.’ Yellow argued allowing Deadpool's hesitant steps to become a fluid train going down.

‘But-’

“No. He’s right. Spidey doesn’t want us. He can't.” Deadpool growled.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Wade stiffened harshly as the voice rolled over him and quieted the voices in his head, bringing Wade back to reality. Shit. How to play this. 'Sorry would have been here sooner but I was offered to be the new ruler of Wakanda!?'

‘That’s stupid and you know it.’

‘Might as well just jump.’

‘No don’t do that. Spidey doesn’t like it when it when we kill ourselves.’

‘Well what’s the alternative? Can’t exactly teleport.’

‘The alternative is turning around and facing the music like a man.’

‘Like a man he says. He’s a fucking wimp.’

“Oh fuck you.” Deadpool whispered.

‘Just face him. If it goes bad at least you can fall backward and kill yourself.’

‘What a gentleman.’

“Fuck it, I’m doing it. Hey Spidey!” Wade called over enthusiastic in his greeting as he spun to face the gangly arachnid watching him from his signature Spidey pose. “How long you been sitting there! It’s rude to eavesdrop on a lady.”

‘Be ready to fall.’

‘Oh shut up.’

“Wade?” Peter got out of his crouch. “Are you okay? And don't you dare say you're fine."

‘He still cares!’

‘Yeah for now. Run while you still have a chance.’

‘What chance? Spidey has webs and super strength. We’re done for.’

“What could happen to me? Did you forget I’m immortal baby boy?”

"Somethings bugging you isn't it?"

"'Bugging' hehe, you said it not me." Spiderman crossed his arms. "Don't you worry about me Spidey, I'm right as rain."

‘You suck at lying.’

“Be quiet you two I’m trying to talk.” Deadpool focused back on Spiderman. “Was there anything important you needed me for?”

‘No he just wanted to know what shoe size you wear so he could shove it up your ass.’

‘Be nice yellow. He's a little slow today.’

“Yeah actually I do.” Spiderman paused seeming to gather his thoughts before he blurted out. “I wanted to talk to you about our dates.”

“Oh, you don’t need to remember them if you don’t want to. Although I will be using those as spanking material later. I have a pretty vivid imagination and I’m really pretty sure I can dream up a ‘what if’.”

“Do you want to go on another date with me? Tomorrow night?”

‘See that’s all he wanted to ask- wait what?’

‘What?’

“Wha- what did you just say?” Deadpool cleaned out his ears as best as he could with his mask in place.

“I- erm- I asked if you wanted to go on a date with me? Tomorrow night? I know someone who works at the Aquarium and if you wanted to go with me then we could go unless you don't like fish then we could go to the zoo or-or not? I'll just stop talking now.”

‘Holy fucking shit.’ Yellow murmured in awe.

‘I fucking told you so!!!’ White cheered.

“Not the time.” Deadpool growled.

“Not the time for what?” Spidey asked.

“Nothing!” Deadpool cried. “Just the voices. Yes I’d like to date you tomorrow night. But why?”

“Why what?” Spiderman asked.

“Why are you asking me now? You could have asked me yesterday.”

“And I would have asked you sooner but you never answered your damn phone."

‘He’s got a point there.’

‘We really are an ass. I told you not to antagonize Negasonic.’

"You agreed on the jokes too. And pranking her was all your idea. How was I supposed to know she'd do that to my phone?"

'She's a teenager. What teen isn't riddled with life-altering and self-destructive loathing?'

‘You’re a dick.’

‘I’m seriously thinking your a woman. You can PMS like one.’

‘That would make you one too.’

‘Excuse you but I am 100% man. And this man has something to say to you. Bbbblllllllll.’

‘You really suck as blowing raspberries. And imitating Spongebob.’

"Deadpool?" Spiderman called gently trying to pull the merc back from his mumbling. He wanted an answer. He was already twitching more than a squirrel.

The voices descended into their own argument that Deadpool tried not to be apart of. “But- But why me? I know the first few dates were because I bought them but why would you want to be seen with me willingly?”

‘Maybe he was dared?’

‘Maybe he has feelings for us?’

‘Maybe he’s sick. Or maybe it’s all a prank?’

“It’s not a prank. Right? Because I swear to god Spidey if this is a prank I will kill you.”

‘Not really.’

“No it’s not a prank. I just- I- I figured something out while we were dating.” Spiderman hopped off the roof to land in front of Deadpool's hulking figure. “And sometime before if I really thought about it.”

“We really eat too much tacos?”

“No- though yeah now that you mention it.”

“Can’t be helped. Tacos are too good to pass up.” Deadpool rubbed his hands together. "Warm, rich, and gooey tacos."

“You’re sidetracking me.” Spidey accused.

“Sorry. Hard to keep things in focus sometimes.”

“Then I’ll say this quick. You are a pain in the ass and you have very low opinions of yourself but you make me laugh and I haven’t laughed in a while if I’m being honest with myself. With you I can be myself and I really don’t want- I don’t want to let whatever this is between us go. It’s- It’s easy being with you. I want to give us a shot as long as you’re willing to put in some effort.”

‘I hear wedding bells.’

‘Hold your horses. I still haven’t heard the fat lady sing yet.’

“You really want to try dating. With me?” Deadpool asked seriously. IF this is what he thought is was then he needed to clarify some things.

“Yes.”

“This isn’t a joke?”

“No.”

“You understand this is me Deadpool right? You’re not under the influence or any substances are you?”

“No I’m in my right mind.” Amusement was coloring Spiderman’s tone now. “I’ll even take a lie detector test and a drug test to prove it.”

‘We might need one.’

‘Yeah even I can’t believe this is really happening.’

‘Maybe we’re dead?’

“When did we kill ourselves? This can’t be a dream. It’s not the afterlife.” Deadpool started to pace. “This isn’t real. Oh you’ve done it now Pool. You’ve gone and hallucinated this whole thing up.”

“Wade this isn’t a dream or hallucination.”

“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say fake Spidey.” Deadpool shot back. “How do I get out of this and back to the real world?” Deadpool started to slap himself.

“Deadpool!”

“Narg, not working. What if I kill myself? Works as well as can be.” Wade pulled out his pistol and aimed it at his head. “Sayonara fake Spider!”

“Wade!” Spiderman yanked Deadpool’s arm causing the merc to shoot a bullet off to the side. “You idiot what’s wrong with you?”

“Many, many things fake Spidey. Now let go of my arm before I hurt you.” Deadpool raised the gun once again only to have Spiderman yank his arm down and twist his hold so Deadpool’s arms were behind his back. Three thumps hit his back. When he tried to move them his arms wouldn’t budge. “Of all the fucking times to try bondage Spidey!”

“Oh shut up.” Wade found himself facing Spiderman who pushed Wade down onto his ass. “You can’t kill yourself you idiot. Not in front of me and not ever again. You’re not hallucinating or dreaming. I am real.” Spiderman knelt down beside Deadpool. “I can’t force you to believe me but I do want to be with you. Heaven knows why but you make me feel- I mean- I can’t explain it but I know it feels good. Happy. I wanted to tell you sooner but,” Spidey huffed and looked to the side. “You are seriously a pain in my ass.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t feel pain for long.” Deadpool mused. Spidey chuckled.

“No I probably wouldn’t.”

“...You’re serious.” Deadpool said trying and failing to search Spiderman’s eyes.

“Yes. I am.” Spiderman promised. “In fact, I want to prove it.” Spiderman’s hand reached up to his mask. Deadpool may have been an idiot but he wasn’t stupid. His eyes widened to saucers as Spidey pulled his mask off. Brown hair was in a tangled mess that led to a slightly thin face where Deadpool’s gaze was drawn to the awkward smile with chapped lips that displayed perfect white teeth. All that paled in comparison to the dark brown eyes gazing into Deadpool’s soul.

“Holy shit.” Deadpool barely whispered. The awkward smile turned nervous and the eyes tightened in concern. “You’re even prettier than I thought.” Redness blossomed across the pale skin nicely bringing a shit-ton of R-rated images to mind.

“Thanks.” Peter- no more trying to pretend it was all Spiderman all the time- drawled with so much sarcasm Deadpool felt himself squee in happiness.

“So fucking cute!” Deadpool cried raising his freed arms and pulling Peter in for a hug.

“Ack! De-”

“You’re just so fucking cute and gorgeous and I am so out of your league but I really really hope you can forget that. I can die happily now!”

“What did I say about dying?” Peter mumbled into Wade’s neck. “And no, you are not out of my league. Can you let go now?”

“Never! You might go swinging off into the sunset to defeat the next big baddie and I can’t let you.” Wade cried. “I must protect you my gorgeous baby boy!”

“Mmmmffmmooooo!!!”

"You're right." Deadpool pulled away. Peter gave him an unimpressed look before pulling his mask back on. He was still in semi public. "You really want to do this whole thing to the max? The dating? The getting to know each other so deep that only we know each others deepest secrets? Because I'm warning you now baby boy I'm not the sanest person around."

"I knew that the moment I met you. And yes, I want to be with you. I have a good feeling that we'd be good together."

"You understand I will still be talking about your ass and making even more sex jokes?"

"I am aware." Spiderman sighed. "But you have to know I'm not as perfect as I look and seem."

"You? Imperfect? Perish the thought."

"I'm not lying here Wade. I'm not perfect. I get annoyed when things don't go my way. I get so wrapped up in my work and sometimes I forget that I need to eat and sleep when I get really dedicated to things."

"Perfect! I promise I can and will take care of you baby boy." Deadpool crossed his heart. Spiderman nodded.

"Okay. Then I guess there's just one more thing I need to tell you."

"Only one?" Deadpool joked.

"I-I don't know how to say this so... My name is Peter Stark. My parents are Tony Stark and Steve Rogers."

"... I am going to enjoy defiling you." Deadpool laughed all the way to the ground. Peter would have happily let him die but saved him with a web at the last second. "Can you imagine what those douches are going to say once the holidays arrive?"

'He might actually stay dead this time.'

'Nah, Spidey loves us.'

'He hasn't said it.'

'Yet.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got way too depressed writing parts of this.  
> Onto a better note, I am so happy about this story's response. All the comments, reviews, hits, kudos, and bookmarks. I about died the first time I posted this fic. And now? I pretty much have my bed made up to pass out on. In fact I have some news: this fic is almost over! One more chapter and I'm done. I know! I thought it would never end. I'm kidding, I am so sad it's almost over. I had so much fun writing this story and exploring Deadpool and Spiderman's characters. Finding out new facts about them and such. I guess this means I should start looking for another story to write.  
> Anyway, I hope you all leave a comment and let me know how you enjoyed the new chapter and if I should change something. Love you all.


	10. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can there be a story where the Avengers are having a charity auction and people can buy one of them for the day and Spiderman is bought by Deadpool, hopefully with smut and ends in a lasting relationship. Also, can Steve and Tony be freaking out that their baby has to spend the day with that maniac?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DP: One month! One month of waiting for this chapter and you couldn't speed it up grandma?  
> GM: Hey I had to work. And plan parties. And deal with health issues. And not to mention family.  
> DP: Just get rid of them. They're slowing you down.  
> GM: Not funny Pool.  
> DP: I'm just saying-  
> GM: Do you want me to leave things at just 9 chapters? Because this has smut. Badly written smut Ii think, but smut nonetheless.  
> DP: -sits down like a good boy- Deadpool is a good boy.  
> GM: Ookay on that note, go on ahead.  
> DP: Yes! Finally we get some good finger licking-  
> GM: Don't finish that sentence. Just read.

"I can’t believe he’s moving in with that asshole.” Tony sighed despairingly as he plopped onto Steve. Steve had just enough time to put his cup of coffee down before Tony was cuddling him.

“I told you not to push too hard. You know how Peter is about rules and boundaries.” Steve smiled, running a hand through Tony’s hair. “Peter is more like you than you know.”

“You don’t see me dating an international criminal.”

“Why don’t you just try and be happy for them? I’ve never seen Peter like this. And though Wade isn’t our idea of the ideal man he makes Peter happy.” He really wasn’t the ideal person but Steve could at least see and acknowledge that he was trying to be a better person for Peter’s sake. Tony on the other hand was firm in his belief that Wade had bewitched their son.

“I’d be happy putting that foul-mouthed menace behind bars in the middle of the ocean. Or space. You think Quill will take him to the other side of the galaxy?” Steve flicked Tony’s nose.

“Be nice. And no you can’t kidnap Wade, Peter will know it’s you.”

“Why not you too?” Tony asked. Steve raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Yeah it was a long shot anyway.”

“Just be glad I was able to convince Peter to stay in Manhattan.”

“Not sure how much good that will do. He’s still going to be living with Deadpool.” Steve momentarily gave up fighting as the elevator opened and out stepped Peter and Wade.

“Hey dad! Hey pops! Just getting the last of the boxes.” Tony grunted making Steve shush him.

“What’s up Steve? Iron douche?” Wade flipped a peace sign. Tony’s grumbling got more irritated.

“Hello Wade. Peter don’t forget the box in the hall closet.”

“Thanks pops.” Peter pulled Wade after him to keep him from starting another argument with Tony. The last argument had involved half of Tony’s Iron Man suits and the regrowth of a certain anatomy on Deadpool.

“You really should start to act like an adult Tony.”

“Why do that?” Tony asked in horror. “I am perfectly happy with the way I am.” Steve could only sigh before he went back to drinking his coffee.

 

“Is that the last box?” Wade asked later that night as he was closing their apartment door.

“Yeah it should be unless I forgot-” Peter started to rummage through a box while in a bent position. Wade’s eyes were immediately and permanently glued to the round orbs of  
Peter’s ass. No matter if he’d seen them in many different clothing pieces or in nothing at all Peter’s ass was Wade’s ultimate pleasure. “No I think that’s everything.”

“Fin-fucking-tastic! I do believe you owe me for hauling these heavy blocks all the way here.”

“I was carrying more than you were.” Peter reminded dryly.

“What can I say? I love seeing you use your super strength. Daddy likes.” Wade dropped the box he was carrying to steal Peter’s attention. “In fact I would really, really, really love it if we used some of that super strength right now.”

“But we have work to do.” Peter protested turning brown eyes at Wade. Usually one blink from those beautiful orbs could make Wade bend to whatever Peter suggested but when they were practically shouting the same volume of lust Wade had all reason and responsibility fled.

“You can top.” One brief moment of hesitation and Peter was carrying Wade to the bedroom. “You better not hold back.” Peter dropped Wade onto the bed with a smirk.

“Will do.” Thwip. Thwip.

Wade’s arms were webbed to the headboard a second later. Wade’s eyes widened when Peter knelt down and started to kiss his lips. He eagerly returned his lover’s kiss. The familiar heat that burned in Wade’s chest and stomach returned with a vengeance. Peter’s kisses were always like fire, but when he actually chose to dominate Wade that’s when everything turned into a fucking inferno. In no time at all he was hard and wanting Peter to touch him.

Peter pulled back slightly making Wade grunt in annoyance that his arms were useless.

“You tease!” Wade whined instead.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.” Peter promised before he jumped over Wade to straddle his waist. Wade starting to dry hump but Peter held him down. “I said I would take care of it. Just relax.”

“Easy for you to say Pete.” Wade gasped when Peter unzipped his hoodie and pulled his shirt up. Wade squeezed his eye shut when Peter’s hips ground against his dick.

“Should I go slow? Or fast and hard?” Peter murmured in Wade’s ear.

“Superhuman!” Wade growled. Peter’s response was to literally rip Deadpool’s pants off. Wade’s dick twitched hard at Peter’s show of strength. But instead of taking his boxers off Peter only moved back to straddle Wade.

“Calm down. I’m not done teasing.” Peter answered Wade’s questioning eyes. Peter leaned down and started to trail kisses along Wade’s neck and collarbone.

“Ooh you’re playing a dangerous game Petey.” Wade whined as Peter bit a sensitive spot.

“You like it when I play dangerous games.” Peter moved on down to Wade’s stomach. Lightly kissing and sucking wherever he could. Wade’s toes curled when Peter got to Wade’s hips. Peter’s tongue flicked out and trailed Wade’s V.

“Peter!” Wade whimpered when Peter moved to his dick and started to breath warm air on the twitching cock. Wade’s head dropped like a weight when Peter removed his boxers.

“Yes?” Peter brought his hand up to stroke Wade’s balls. Wade’s legs tensed when Peter’s other hand slipped under Wade’s butt and began rubbing his asshole.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“I’ll get there.” Peter smirked. “I just want to suck on the lollipop first.” And there went Wade’s conscious mind as Peter sucked Wade’s head into his mouth. Peter didn’t go further at first, too busy enjoying teasing Wade. He did increase his strokes to Wade’s hole which had Wade straining to spread his legs wider.  
Peter pulled off when he felt Wade’s balls tighten.

“Noo!!” Wade cried snapping his head up to see Peter taking his clothes off. “Ooh me likey the strip tease Petey-pie. But will you please hurry the fuck up?” Peter crawled into position.

“Alright.” He used a web to grab the lube on the nightstand. Despite Wade’s urges to hurry up Peter was always careful to make sure he prepared Wade, if not fully than at least some so he didn’t hurt the man. He inserted a finger into Wade’s hole feeling it slightly loose. “You idiot, you were jacking off again weren’t you?”

“Guilty.” Wade chuckled. Peter rolled his eyes. Well at least he knew what had taken so long when Wade was using the bathroom earlier. Peter inserted three fingers feeling Wade’s ass stretch. “Ooh that’s the sugar.” Wade groaned. Peter smiled as he wiggled his fingers deeper until he felt Wade’s bundle. He pulled back before pressing in and catching Wade’s bundle. Wade’s gasp was reward enough.

Peter quickened his pace watching Wade’s face as the talkative man gasped and groaned with every brush or push of his button. He was moving with Peter and soon enough Peter knew Wade was right on the edge. He pulled away. Wade groaned.

“Come on Pete! It was getting good!”

“Then this should make it better.” Peter quickly lubed up his throbbing dick and lined up with Wade’s ass. “Still want it hard?”

“Oh yeah.” Peter nodded before he entered Wade in one quick thrust.

“Fuck!” Poor Wade didn’t get to catch his breath before Peter started to slam into him. Moans and pants filled the air as Peter continued to wreck Wade’s world and ass. Wade  
couldn’t bother to give a shit about anything but his baby boy’s dick rubbing every inch of his ass.

The fire between them increased when Peter started to massage Wade’s dick trying to get Wade off before he did. Wade was pulling and yanking against the webs holding his arms as Peter stopped for half a second to pull Wade’s leg up and over his shoulder before he continued to drill into the merc. Wade was half screaming now as Peter pounded against his prostate sending delicious shivers and tingles up Wade’s spine to his already cloudy head.

Peter was having trouble focusing as Wade’s ass was starting to tighten. He moved his hand faster trying to get Wade to come before he did.

“P-P-Pet…. c-cu-cumin’.” Wade choked out.

“Come.” Peter commanded. Wade threw his head back and yanked his arms as hard as he could, freeing them from the webs. Peter grunted loudly as he came inside Wade’s clenching ass.

Peter fell onto Wade’s chest too tired and dazed to think of moving or going anywhere. Wade’s arms came up and cradled Peter as he came back down to earth.

“We need to do that again.” Wade murmured.

“Not now.” Peter grunted. “Too tired.”

“Aw but what about a second round?”

“Maybe when I wake up.” Peter offered.

“Deal.” Wade agreed. “Go to sleep now Petey-pie. We have a long and hard day tomorrow. Emphasis on hard.”

“Dork.” Peter mumbled before he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

When Peter woke up it was predawn and he was still lying on Wade only he was a bit lower. Peter shifted slightly to look up and see Wade’s still sleeping face. Peter smiled tracing Wade’s skeletal structure with his eyes.

During the course of six months many things did and didn’t change. The seasons changed as they inevitably did. People lived, people died, people changed and so did heroes and villains a like. But one thing that hadn’t changed was Peter’s infatuation of Wade Wilson. In fact it was a bit scary to realize that Peter would do absolutely anything to make Wade happy.

Of course Wade would do the same for Peter but Wade was always doing little things to make Peter happy and to feel special. Those little things never failed to make Peter’s heart skip a beat and blush like a schoolgirl. It was a bit embarrassing actually, but he never asked Wade to stop.

“What are you thinking about?” Peter glanced up to see Wade’s blue eyes staring at him. He could, would, and did drown in those eyes every time Wade looked at him. God he was such a sap.

“I’m wondering if you’re up for another round. Me on top.” Peter kissed Wade’s chest while looking at the man beneath him. Wade grinned.

“You horny little spider.” Peter smirked impishly before leaning up to give Wade a deeper kiss. Wade started to wrap his legs around Peter’s waist once more when Peter’s phone chimed. Peter and Wade looked over to see Tony’s picture. Wade groaned while Peter pulled away. “And you wonder why I call him a douche.”

“Shh Wade.” Peter hissed. “Hey dad.”

“Peter we’re going to need your help. Mr. Fantasic was messing around with portals again.” Peter put the phone on speaker as he got out of bed, looking for his suit.

“Aliens or unknown?”

“Alien. Hurry up.”

“Can’t we just call in? I’m sure they have reserves.” Wade grouched. His morning ruined.

“Wilson, you to!” Tony’s voice snapped before the call disconnected with a loud crackle.

“Hurry up Wade!”

“They won’t die if we’re thirty minutes late.” Peter threw his Deadpool pants at him.

“No Wade. Get up or you’re sleeping on the couch for a week.”

“You wouldn’t be able to sleep without me there to cuddle with you. Remember the last time?” Wade called the bluff. But he sat up anyway knowing Peter was glaring. “Fine.” Wade and Peter grabbed the rest of their clothes and pulled them on in the dark before they webbed out the window to where sirens and screams were sounding.

Spiderman landed them a block from where the action seemed to be. The Avengers and half of the Fantastic Four were fighting against slimy purple monsters that seemed to go between jelly soft and diamond hard judging by the way Clint bounced against one before firing an arrow that shattered on impact.

“I may just forgive Tony for calling.” Deadpool whistled watching a monster firm itself to look more humanoid and less blob-like.

“Get them away from civilians. And don’t play with any of them.” Spiderman ordered.

“But they look so squishy!” Deadpool chirped. Spiderman rolled his eyes before going into action. Spiderman swung over to a different part of the battlefield and started to web some of the more humanoid monsters. Two of them screeched before going back to being blobs.

“You look familiar, have I seen you somewhere before?” Peter wondered aloud. The blobs screeched before focusing on Peter’s movements. “Oh that’s right, you remind me of something Hawkeye once cooked.”

Spiderman’s comm crackled to life. ‘It was an experiment!’

“It moved!” Spiderman protested doing a complex move to web the blobs once they had hardened. Once they were in a cocoon Spiderman kept a close on to make sure they didn’t get out. The cocoons moved and squished but thankfully held tight.

‘At least I’m not wearing the wrong shirt kid.’

“What?” Spiderman looked down to his shirt. Only instead of the familiar red, blue and black designs he was looking down at a red and black shirt that was obviously, “Deadpool!”

‘Yes honey bear?’ Deadpool’s voice came through loud and clear.

“Give me my shirt back!” Spiderman dodged a blob in the nick of time.

‘Sorry no can do.’ The glee in Wade’s voice was enough to grate on Peter’s nerves.

“Why not?”

‘We’re fighting against Blobs my sweet Spidey. Taking off our clothes would be irresponsible. And besides, I look damn good in your shirt.’ Spiderman didn’t need to be psychic to know that the laugh he heard was Clint dying one street over.

‘If you keep laughing you’re dead. I won’t save you Barton.’ Nat’s amused voice came on.

“Great.” Spiderman groaned. He focused on getting rid of as many Blobs as he could before Tony’s voice came on.

‘Got the portal working again. It’s closing.’ Spiderman sighed in relief once the blobs had turned tail. They didn’t make it far as S.H.I.E.L.D agents arrived and scooped them up.

‘Spidey you still there?’ Came Deadpool’s panting voice.

“Deadpool where are you?” Spiderman asked looking around. He stopped once he saw the blue and red shirt. “I see you.” One quick webbing and he was airborne.

“Where?” Deadpool looked all around before Spiderman landed right in front of him. “Oh hey, Petey-poo.”

“Give me my shirt back quick.” Spiderman ordered pulling Deadpool down an alley.

“But you look damn good in my clothes. Might have to put you in more of them when we get home.” Wade snickered when Peter smacked his chest. They quickly switched shirts.

“Remind me why do we have similar styles?”

“Beats me. You did copy me.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.

“Did too.”

“Did not infinity.”

“Damn. Such a sore loser.” Deadpool pouted.

“Yes you are.” Spiderman snarked.

“That’s it, I have taken one too many insults. You shall have to be punished.” Deadpool cried.

“You can’t punish me without punishing yourself.” Spiderman said full of confidence.

“You think so do you?” Spiderman did not like the sound of that. Wade pulled Peter’s mask up halfway and gave the hero a deep kiss that reminded Peter of all the sinful things  
Wade could and would do to him in private. Peter had just returned the kiss when his comm sparked to life.

‘Will you two quit trying to swallow each other? We have clean up duty.’ Tony’s voice barked. Peter jerked away from Wade who muttered about Tony’s ‘iron dildo stuck up his ass.’

‘Be nice Tony.’ Steve called. ‘Local law enforcement is here.’

“We can start this back up later.” Peter said pulling his mask down.

“Damn right we are.” Deadpool promised. “And you shall beg for mercy.” Peter smirked.

“I better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GM NASAI: Hey guys. I apologize for the late update on this fic. I really was having trouble with the sexy times there. I don't know why but everything I know about sex just seemed to flee. And wow that makes me sound like a slut doesn't it? I'm not. Anyway, this is the last chapter. So thank you all who have been with me through this long and fruitful journey. I love you all for helping and inspiring me. Who knows I may write another fic. Although if I do I have no doubt that it'll be longer. I already have an idea but I still have to bang off some bad ends. Until then, it's been a pleasure knowing you guys.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment.


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